Thursday, November 10, 2011

Natural curls... ?

In Jane Eyre, a young child is criticized for having naturally curly hair---she was seen as vain and punished despite her not choosing to have hair which was like that.

I didn't choose to be with these attractions. I realize that I don't need to act on them... but why is it that I am punished in this life, feeling like an outsider, when I didn't choose this? Do I always have to live my life as if I am looking into a world through a partition or barrier?

I sometimes wish that I'd been born differently... I don't want to "change" how I am now since I'm used to my attractions and have grown accustomed to them. However, I sometimes wish I'd been born differently so that I would have a more normal life---or at least a next to normal sort of life... If my attractions were not there, I would probably be married with children by now. And I'd have served a mission as I wouldn't have had depression, and I would be living a more typical LDS life...

And I wouldn't be an outsider looking in.

Why would Heavenly Father put me in a position where having children will be so difficult when this is one of the strongest desires of my heart?

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