Sunday, November 27, 2011

Confessions

I haven't prayed in a long time. Longer than I care to admit. I don't feel the spirit very much anymore even when I go to church. Maybe its my own fault for not praying or reading the scriptures like I should.

Right now, I feel hurt and abandoned.

Maybe I have no right to feel that way because maybe I'm the one who has cut himself off from God. My lack of faith right now is a culmination of a lot of things. I still have a testimony, but I don't have the faith enough to get out of this rut.

I don't like where I'm at in life. Today I sat at home feeling so tired and sick... but I'm not sure if its a physical sickness or just an exhaustion from all that I have in life. I wonder if I'll ever be able to meet my goals. And if I do, will it be worth all the hassles?

Sometimes I wish I wasn't so alone. Sometimes I wish I'd get someone who'd stop by the apartment just to say hello.

Or maybe feel like... despite all that I've had going on in life, that my Heavenly Father is watching over me. I don't feel his presence around me anymore. Maybe that's why I feel so empty and alone.

1 comment:

Simon said...

I feel like you stole a blog post I was thinking about making today. I've been struggling to feel the spirit as well, even at church. I've also struggled with reading my scriptures. I pray, but I feel like the heavens are blocked to me at times.

I understand the loneliness too. I think I've been missing that sense of the Father's presence as well.