Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Hatred within our people

Okay, let's remove labels for a minute.

Let's stop calling ourselves same-gender attracted. Let's stop calling ourselves gay, straight, SGA, SSA, Moho, whatever... Let's just call ourselves human beings. Since that is what we all are, right?

We as human beings all have challenges in life. We're taught to work on overcoming those challenges which can be overcome. Change the things which need to be changed. Some of us are taught the gospel. But many of us are taught to be good people regardless of the gospel presence in our lives.

So that being said, why do we have so much hatred for other groups of our people---other human beings?

We go through life teaching to love our brothers and sisters and yet we have hatred and say horrible things.

I've recently seen this in the blog world and the Northstar messages.

"Oh, George doesn't live the gospel anymore... He's got such ridiculous views. They disgust me"

I'm sorry that you don't like people who don't view the gospel the same way that you do. I'm sorry that you cannot accept people for who they are---being human beings---without saying their views disgust you. Men and women who are attracted to members of their own gender have a tough time in life. We're given the crappy end of the stick in many social circles. And those of us who still go to church, we're even a more segmented portion of society. We don't fit into both worlds easily. So we're always looking for a balance.

And then here we have people within our own community---both as human beings and then those who are attracted to their own gender---who show such intolerance. "I don't like how this person is living the gospel."

GET OVER THYSELF! Stop being such a pain in the butt Mean Girl.

Remember what the Savior said... don't just love the people you agree with. Love thy neighbor as thyself. He didn't run away from the lepers who were the worst of society. He loved them and Healed them. He was an example to all including women and children who were lesser citizens.

Seriously people. Wake up. And be Saints of the gospel. I never said you had to agree with everyone. But don't go spewing hate for people who are basically in the same position you are but have chosen many a little to the left of where you're standing. We're all the same. We're all human beings. Stop!

Monday, May 28, 2012

Fun Times

I had a really nice weekend. I was able to hang out with a fun friend who I haven't seen in a while. Sometimes the cure for loneliness is to reach out to a friend.

I kind of feel, sometimes, like I don't do everything I could or should be doing. I realized that this weekend with my friend here. I realize I don't say my prayers enough. I need to be reminded about that.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Being alone

My roommates are out of town for a few days so I'm at home alone with my dog. Its kind of weird. I don't like the quiet. I wish I had more things to do, people to see, etc. but I don't.

So I'm just going to play the wii.

Monday, May 21, 2012

Standard of Liberty, you can kiss my...

If Ty Mansfield and his wife aren't doing all that we're supposed to be doing, then who the hell is? Oh my goodness. You guys are so blinded to the fact that these are people out there doing the best that they can. No one is perfect, even YOU Mr. and Mrs. Graham. I refuse to call you Brother and Sister since you're not family to me.

I'd love to have the Standard of Liberty find a married couple more committed to the gospel and following the commandments... Preferably one of the many who have been relinquished of their same-gender attraction feelings. Since your website claims there are dozens if not hundreds who have. I've been in the SGA community since I was 18 and I'm 30 now, and I've never met one. So I guess they're all hiding.

I've never seen the LDS Church First Presidency endorse your organization. If they ever did, I would leave the church. 

In short...

Standard of Liberty, you are a bunch of retarded apes who deserve to live and relive the pain you cause this world for an eternity. It is people like you who make Latter-day Saints get a bad reputation.

I kind of want to sit in front of your house and give the middle finger to you as you come home from Church on Sunday.

And, please, with the kindest love I can muster, I'd like all of you to go to hell.

Why should I?

What is the whole point of going to church, exactly? I know it might sound like its coming out of left field. But I have been going for over a year and whenever I do go, I feel so much bitterness. I cannot explain it. Yesterday just kind of tipped the iceberg a bit with the gay people are dangerous thing. How much more of this crap should I have to listen to?

I don't gain anything from church attendance. I haven't felt the spirit in a long time. Going to church just makes me angry. Wondering about transferring wards again to avoid the "You new here?" question... considering I've been going to the ward for... years.

Some members of the church say the stupidest things. Honestly. Gay people are dangerous. One quote was "Who knows what they'll be doing?" and "Who knows what else they have planned to teach children?" or something along those lines. Oh, its so aggravating. Aren't there bigger issues to fry right now? Like... why do Mormons dress so frumpy and look so fake-happy all the time?

I guess what I'm saying is: How much ignorance should one human being really have to put up with?

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Stupid Ignorance

Today in Sunday School, the conversation got turned to things the Prophet has asked of us. Teacher brought up Prop 8 and how there were controversies behind it---Another person brought up all the DANGEROUS people which Prop 8 helps us fight against. Gay people included. I started to shake a little with frustration. The speaker went on to state that homosexuals have all sorts of things which go against the church, how its obvious why the church fights with the Prop 8 thing, etc.

The teacher brought up that its not the people we're fighting against. But the marriage issue. And then he brought up that the church hasn't gotten involved in other states.

I raised my hand and brought up the fact that the church has never said WHY we're against gay marriage. But we shouldn't come up with ways to say why its bad because we tend to come off as ignorant.

Why do I even stick with this ward anymore?

Tuesday, May 15, 2012


So I am feeling kind of down right now about a few situations in life. I have a dear friend who is in a bind right now and no matter what I do, its not enough to help him. So I need some prayers for this situation to resolve itself positively.

Second off, I'm wondering more and more if my chosen employment path is right for my situation. In my current employment, being open and honest about my adoption plans would be essence put me in a bad situation work-wise. I think that appearance means a lot at this job and although my personal life is just that---personal---and doesn't affect my work life, I have a feeling some people would see it as such.

In addition, the promotion I was promised hasn't come to be. Which is upsetting to say the least. I need some positive changes and good news to come by my way. So prayers and good karma\chi\etc. my way.

Also, is it me, or does Darren Criss get more adorable all the time? Why don't I look like him???

Friday, May 11, 2012

Next to ... Abnormal

Got a message from someone the other day. He is just beginning the process of dealing with his attractions. He emailed me and said "I just want to be normal." When I asked him what made him abnormal, he replied it was his attractions to men.

What is abnormal about us is the fact that we don't accept ourselves. Accepting one's attractions and realizing that your attractions are likely not going away doesn't mean you're giving in or giving up. I honestly believe that. It just means that we're not going to be beating ourselves up anymore. We're not going to go around thinking we're abnormal. We're not going to be different.

What would your life be like if instead of saying "I'm so different" to saying "I'm uniquely myself, and love every aspect about myself"?

Why do Mohos think their lives have to be horrible, full of sorrow, and lack of acceptance? Its ridiculous. There's enough depressed people out there, I don't have to be one of them.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

True Love

If you haven't seen it already, there's a beautiful video about a tragedy ... two men named Thomas Bridegroom and Shane Bitney Crone were together nearly six years when Thomas died. His family has excluded his partner from everything dealing with the funeral, and even threatened him if he attended.

The story portrayed here is more of a love story than all of the Twilight books combined. I've never even read Twilight. But the thing is, this is a real love story.

I'm sick of people treating others with a lack of respect. I don't care what your religious persuasion, your moral standing, or your holier-than-thou attitude. People. Need. Love. And if these two had found it, how can we deny them normal human benefits?

It makes me think about a special someone in my life that if he were to die, I'd be devastated. He and I are very close but we fight all the time. I wouldn't want him to die knowing that one of the last things we said to each other was an argument. If I were to die, no one would know that he and I cared about each other except for a select few.

I don't know why we live in a world full of hate instead of love.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Feeling alone vs. Being alone

I don't like being alone---I like being around people in general. Not a big people person but I don't like being alone.

However, I don't like feeling alone either. In fact, feeling alone is worse because usually it happens in large groups of people. A guy in my ward started talking to me yesterday and I couldn't even be bothered to go into much of a conversation. I assume, already, before even talking to him that he and I will not be friends.

Something is wrong in my head.

Right now I feel a little alone. I'm on my way to work. Hopefully the feeling will pass.

I've not really had any messages from Northstar people about my not being there. I wonder if my absence is even being noted by anyone? Weird.

I think I need to try a little harder to make friends in my ward since I was asked two more times on Sunday if I was new. And I've been in the ward since it was established.

Saturday, May 5, 2012

The Help

I've been seeing a lot of cute babies lately. And it makes me want to be a parent.

I have been reading the book, The Help, in my quest to constantly be filling my life with too many books. I love books like I love post-it notes.

In the book, a black maid named Aibileen talks about raising white children. She stays with families until the child is about 9 years old, and then moves on to another family. In the book, she discusses why she does this. Aibileen learned early on that she could have a positive effect on how children saw themselves. She could make them feel good about themselves.

In one section of the book, she discusses raising a boy who was effeminate. His father used to beat him with the metal hose tip until he had welts on his back. She couldn't defend him, but Aibileen would wait to then put medicine on him. She loved this child, gayness and all. And this was back in the 1950's! Way ahead of her time.

Aibileen told Mae Mobley, a not very cute little girl (at least according to the girl's mother) "You is Smart, you is Kind, you is Important" in order for the Mae Mobley to remember this as an adult.

All of this got me thinking: I want to make children feel good about themselves. I want children to be happy and healthy. Any child who comes to me will grow up feeling positive about themselves. That child will not be told he or she is not good enough. He or she will never go a day without getting a hug and a kiss from me, and told "I love you" everyday. Even if my child came and was ugly by world's standards. Had chubby legs. Walked funny. Was effeminate... That child would know he or she was loved.

And yet, I live in a world where a gay man isn't an appropriate father for a child. In fact, some believe the child would be better raised in foster care than by a gay person.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Some of my thoughts on affection

I know it will be unpopular for me to say so, but I believe that affection can and should have its place within the SGA community. I'm not saying the affection has to be sexual, in fact, I think it best if it is not. However, I think that a healthy balance of finding affection is safe within this community.

Why do I say this?

Well, I think that the church is unwavering in its desire for us to be normal. If not the church headquarters, then the church community. We don't fit in and as we continue in the church refusing to leave, I think that the church will need to figure out a place for us. At the same time, we seek companionship and love just like anyone else. Should we be completely void of companionship, friendship, and love? I don't think so.

Some church leaders mistakenly tell their ward members dealing with this not to even associate with others who do. Since we're evidently all horny monkeys and cannot control our sexuality at all. However well-meaning church leaders hope to be, I don't believe they are inspired when they say these things. I know it might sound mean of me to say that church leaders are not always inspired. However, I don't think it is the case. I believe if Brigham Young hadn't taken over the church, policy would have continued to allow the African American population to hold the priesthood (as Joseph Smith was supportive of blacks having the priesthood---much more so than Brigham...) It takes years for policies to change in the church, especially when supported by false doctrine like the Blacks being less righteous in the pre-earth life or whatever.

Where am I going with this?

Church leaders might support us having no affection or friendship within the SGA community as times because they don't know how to deal with us. We're an enigma which doesn't make sense to their brains. So they give us the best advice they can think of. Just like when Brigham and other leaders tried to justify their I-believe-racist accusations common with the times that Black people were wicked and cursed. Church leaders are doing their best now to offer their advice which is often times limited to their lack of experience, knowledge, and understanding.

My life has been forever blessed by the friendships that I have known within the SGA community. The healthy levels of affection---hugging my friends when I see them, putting an arm around them in time of need---etc. have helped me immensely and also helped my friends who were struggling. To deny us this would be like allowing a wound to continue to grow an infection when it has a chance to heal. (I'm not saying that our attractions are a wound or infection---merely saying that there's healing which can come which would otherwise be denied.)

And yes, I've kissed men. I don't think this is a problem under good circumstances with the right motivations of friendship, love, respect, etc. I've also kissed women. And let me tell you, its like I'd be kissing a peach or something. And I've gotten hugs and cuddled with women. Those experiences were not as healing as when I've gotten the long-sought after affection from men.

Of course, I warn everyone that there are those who would seek to do harm to us. But true friends wouldn't. Seek after good friends, good forms of companionship, and do not break any boundaries. Find safe friends with whom you trust. Don't go the craigslist route since that is rarely, if ever, a safe option.

Just my thoughts and 2 cents of controversy.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

What do you guys think?

When it comes to physical affection between members of the same-sex, what is appropriate versus inappropriate?

I think if most men are honest---especially those of BYU age---they'll admit that they've kissed and or cuddled with other men. Is this appropriate or is it borderline inappropriate? If this was as far as a relationship went, would having a boyfriend be inappropriate in the church's eyes?

What do you think?