Friday, November 25, 2011

My Mom

Recently my mom needed to go on a trip to see her sister but didn't have the money to pay for the ticket: I called her and despite her stubborn insistence I not do it, I bought her the plane ticket.

Today she sent me a text message saying she realizes how important it really was. Only one other sibling had attempted the same idea. And I, being one of the poorest, bought the plane ticket. I didn't tell her that it took half of the money in my bank account. Nor did I tell her that I had planned on using that money to make an extra loan payment to get rid of more of my debt. If I had, she'd have refused the help.

I did that because my mom is one of my favorite people in the world. I've not been able to really show her that before. I knew my mom needed the help, even if she wouldn't admit to it, so I bought the ticket for her.

I remember a few years ago watching Desperate Housewives when Bree abandoned her gay son Andrew on the side of the road. Yes, I'm old-school gay enough to remember names and story lines from past seasons of this show.

It had been about 2-3 years since I'd told my parents about my attractions when the episode aired. I remember feeling like, when I told them, that I'd also be abandoned at the side of the road. Later, I told my mom on Mother's day about this episode and how everyone believes that Bree is this perfect housewife, cook, mother, and neighbor. I told my mom I'd never trade her for Bree. Because even with these perfect qualities, she had trouble accepting her son. My mom... never even saw the clues leading up to it, so when I told her, she was blind-sided!

I would never ever trade my mom for another make or model. :)

So it is for this reason that it kind of pains me to say that while I feel comfortable telling my mom stories about my first kiss, crushes I have on celebrities (a few times I've blurted something out when its just she and I!) and my frustrations with working for an environment with a hostile coworker... I don't feel comfortable talking to her about my family and baby plans.

My mom has already said in the past she'd accept any grandchild who came into this family, regardless of how that child entered it. However, that was years ago when I think she still imagined I'd find a Miss Right and go through the whole temple marriage and having a baby route.

Reactions so far to my adoption and surrogacy plans have been mixed. I've had the "you're going to be excommunicated" discussion. I've even had the "every baby needs a father and mother" speech. I've also had the opposite side of: "You'd be an amazing mother slash father to a baby!"

With all of these varied responses, you'd think it would be simpler to say "Mom, I'm going to have a baby..."

Somehow, its too hard for me. I don't know how I'd take her disapproval.

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