Tuesday, January 29, 2008

In the mood for a change...

I have minimal classes this semester with an awful lot of "down time" when I'm busy doing school work, researching for papers due this semester, etc.

This past week I haven't gone to Salt Lake City or even as far as Orem. Mostly, I've been in my house or been on campus.

It's a little weird. I kind of miss having excursions to Salt Lake. Gives me something to do that is different. I can visit with family and all that jazz...

I'm kind of seeking a mini-change right now. I've been at home for too long. So I think I'm going to see my aunt in Salt Lake for a bit. Might be fun to have a change of scenery. And I have some classes cancelled this week.

Anyone else ever feel the need to have a mini-change of scenery?

Its also very cold and I think I need to get a hot latin lover to keep me warm and snuggly at night. haha.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Our Prophet

Today, our Prophet passed away at 7:00PM. I learned about it at 8:08PM when my roommate came into my room and told me of the news... His sister had only just recently learned.

Within 5 minutes, I had gotten a call from my mother. I told my friend in South America via an Instant Message, he being one of the first likely in his country to hear. I texted a dozen of my friends. Then called by brother.

Within an hour, I'd gotten about ten messages from other friends about the news.

Mormon news travels fast.

For some reason, I feel like I need to go to a viewing if at all possible.

He was my Prophet for half of my life. I am twenty five years old now and he's been a Prophet for twelve years. I am still a little in shock.

So I guess a current Apostle with make the third in the First Presidency and another new Apostle will be called? Sheesh, I can't even remember the name of the newest one from October yet! Takes me at least two Conference sessions to remember the name...

Why do I feel torn by his death? I never knew him, although I'd seen him a few times in person.

I'm saddened by his death. I hope he realizes just how important he is to many members of the church.

Rainy Days and Sundays...

I am kidding about the blog title. Just a play on words with the Karen Carpenter song.

Although, I heard it is supposed to be a Rainy Day in Provo today. But I hope not. Rain and winter don't mix. Because then ice happens.

Today in my Ward we had a Fast Sunday because next week is some sort of Stake Conference thing. I had a prompting to bear my testimony and I spoke for a minute about my favorite scripture...

Its short, simple and to the point...

Doctrine and Covenants 76: 60 "And they shall overcome all things."

I like this scripture over others because it is simple but also profound.

It is referring to the people who will inherit Celestial Glory. They will overcome all things. ALL THINGS. Not just some things. And not just most things. ALL THINGS. It's all inclusive.

I think it describes how we can work now. To try to overcome anything in our lives.

I'm not saying that tomorrow I'm going to wake up with thoughts of having sex with a woman, or even a desire to get married in this life. I do not think that is going to happen, nor do I think that is what is involved with "overcoming" same-gender attraction.

So many of the ex-Mormon crowd taunt those of us who choose to stay in the church, saying we're looking for a "cure" and laughing at the thought. Or even making fun of individuals who choose for whatever reason to get married. Or those who choose to remain married after "coming out" to their spouse. Or those who choose to leave the gay world and return to the church.

Personally, I think there are many ways to "overcome" this.

For one, I won't let it rule my life. I don't spend all day thinking or talking about it. Honestly, I have better things to do. Even if I decided to get a boyfriend and leave the church, I'd HOPE my life wasn't all tied up in who I was attracted to. There's a lot more to life.

No matter what I decide, I can overcome this "hurdle" in life by doing all I can to make the world a better place. I like to be a positive influence on those around me. I can provide service or just be a friend. While it might not be changing my orientation, I can change those around me for the better--focusing on them might help me to worry about my own challenges.

So I will close this blog with my testimony that I love the Church, I love the Prophet and I want to honor him by listening to him... I am not always the best at it. I know this church is true. And I will listen to the Prophet's teachings regarding homosexual behavior. I KNOW it is true. I could never deny it. And I also know that we can overcome any challenge in life---large or small---but that overcoming it doesn't mean it will always go away.

Have a great Sabbath day!

p.s. Cool Roommate and I are going to FHE tomorrow night. First time ever together. Weird. I never normally do ward things. But it might be fun!

Friday, January 25, 2008

Seriously... Random

I was working on homework in the library last night and missed the bus. So I walked home. And for about as far from the Hinckley Building down to Little Caesar's some dark creepy person was following me. It was weird.

I have been a little under the weather today so I've been doing homework at home instead of the library. Just a stuffy nose. Nothing life-shattering or otherwise dangerous to my life.

I kind of want the Straighties to move out. And then replace them with better looking gay versions of themselves---and if they're not gay, then at least give them personalities.

I have been tired all day but I didn't want to go to bed yet. I kind of just want to do nothing but eat ice cream. But in order to eat ice cream, I'd need to go to the store. And leaving my apartment is a no-no.

I've been a little lonely lately. So many days spent in my apartment doing homework and not having a social life. I miss having friends who just call me up to see how I'm doing. I liked that. And it was nice to have someone call me up to hang out. It doesn't happen a lot anymore.

I've been listening to a musical the last hour called Bare: A Pop Opera. Its really good. I've mentioned it before.

I kind of just want to curl up in my bed and go to sleep and hopefully wake up without a stuffy nose.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Mitt vs. Clinton vs. Barrack

Okay, so I woke up today and was super tired but for whatever reason decided to turn on The View where they quickly criticized Mitt. Made me think...

I'm not supporting Mitt because he's a Mormon. Actually, initially, I was in support of Barrack until I saw what an idiot he seems at times. And although I think Hillary could be good, I think she'd end up like her husband. I think both are manipulators.

Anyway, I like Mitt because so far, he's seemed the most down-to-earth and honest candidate. Plus, I think he's better looking than the Kennedy family who everyone thought was so gorgeous... No, I don't have a crush on Mitt Romney. I just think he and his wife could bring back a little of the old-school Camelot feel to the White House and the Presidency.

Honestly, I think he could become our President.

And I'm not against a Mormon for President. I'm not FOR a Mormon for President either. His religion simply made me aware of him, although, I used to work in Massachusetts when he was Governor so I knew all about him before.

I think its annoying that this Presidency Campaign is the Mormon, the Black and the Woman. Seems a little ridiculous to me. Sometimes I wish the American People would realize the importance of a Presidency and try to pay at least a remote amount of attention to who is elected. SO many people ignore their right to vote. Its honestly, extremely sad to me.

Even in a state like Idaho which will undoubtedly vote for Mitt (not because he's Mormon but because they always vote Republican) I think its important for everyone to vote.

I don't think one should vote simply because of race, gender or religion... It should be about "WHO will make this country better?"

So unless Barrack really impresses me in the next while, I'm voting for Mitt.

And, am I the only one that forgot McCain was running too?

Sunday, January 20, 2008

My Soapbox

Okay, so I actually had to re-read my blog from last night because I posted it way too late slash way too early to remember what I said.

It should always be a bad idea to blog when your mind isn't clear. I still stand by what I said though.

Now for a discussion...

I've noticed amongst many of my gay friends this need to be recognized. And I've noticed that the gay community fights for this a bit. Society needs to recognize their unions, their rights, their this, their that, etc.

I can understand what it feels like to be rejected by one's peers and even partially my family. While only my parents are currently "in the know" I have felt rejection by my family at times. I have a close relative who absolutely and bitterly hates gay people. Wants nothing to do with them and thinks even celibate gays are on a one-way ticket to hell. So while he doesn't know about me, it still is rejection on some level. Its painful. But I moved beyond it.

So many people fight so hard to be accepted. I think that gay rights is a step with this---fighting for acceptance from the masses.

Sure, I advocate less violence towards gays. But I would say the same about any group! Blacks, Jews, Mormons, Christians, Republicans... etc. I don't like when anyone is physically harmed or made fun of. I don't agree with homophobic attacks on people just as much as I hate people attacking other groups of people.

I don't think marriage rights will change many peoples' minds about gay people. And I don't think every person in America needs to have a gay friend or read gay themed children's stories in elementary school ... "Billy has two Mommys" or whatever. Seems silly, once again, for the issues of the few to overshadow the majority.

I'm a historian and I can tell you that the institution of marriage goes back as far as recorded history points. Always for various reasons. Historically, Marriage was a financial institution between a man and woman in order to help provide necessary trades and abilities and further protect the individual from financial ruin. Marriage later became about love and affection in a more Victorian age. Marriage motives have changed but the definitions have stayed the same.

I am not against Domestic Partner relationships or "common law" agreements in order to protect one's inheritance. (After all, marriage historically also dealt with legal inheritors... why do you think being a bastard child has had a bit of a social stigma?)

Marriage is defined as being between a man and a woman.

Instead of fighting for one's own rights, isn't a more-Christlike attitude to seek to help others?

Aren't there children starving in foreign countries? And people who are dying because of a lack of something like Penicillin?

Wouldn't a better rally be to try to save lives than to promote one's own agenda? Personally, I'd rather focus on other issues which are more pressing.

Another thing I have to discuss... why is Zac Efron the most talked about cast member of High School Musical when Corbin Bleu is absolutely adorable?

Okay, so Corbin is far too young for me to have a crush on him. BUT I think he's cute in the way that I'd love to adopt him. Or better yet, adopt a little biracial kid who has hair like his! He's adorable. Zac is great in Hairspray.

I had to PROVE my sexuality by bringing up Corbin since I know some people are shrieking that I'm not a supporter of gay marriage and all that jazz.

Corbin Bleu is much more adorable than Zac Efron. 100 times. No questions asked. I'm watching Corbin Bleu youtube clips. And yes, I will admit I secretly want to own his CD...

Gay Marriage

I went to a get-together of gays, straights and mohos tonight and someone brought up Gay Marriage briefly as I was walking out the door. They were like "Who wouldn't want to support Gay Marriage here?"

Knowing that the audience was gay-friendly, I'm sure they never would have guessed that I almost piped up and said "Me!"

I guess I'm a little different because I don't support gay marriage. And I don't ever see myself fighting for gay rights.

Aren't people given natural rights of being a human being? Does being gay offer you more rights or the right to shove your opinions on others? Doesn't the gay Minority (and yes, despite what people think---gays are a minority of the population no matter what they say...) say that mainstream society pushes their views of traditional marriage on them?

Well, if that's the case, then isn't the minority pushing their marriage views on the majority the same thing but in reverse?

Sure, I'm attracted to guys plenty... Just as much as the next guy. Okay, so not really the NEXT guy since most men are not gay. But you know what I mean. :)

Am I getting more and more old fashioned everyday? Am I in fact turning into my parents?

If I start making quilts and complaining about how much things cost, then I'll know I am.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Seems a downright shame...

Green finch, and linnet bird,
Nightingale, blackbird,
How is it you sing?
How can you jubilate
sitting in cagesnever taking wing?
Outside the sky waits
Just beyond the bars...
How can you remain staring at the rain
maddened by the stars?
How is it you sing
How is it you sing?
Green finch. and linnet bird,
nightingale, blackbird
How is it you sing?
Whence comes this melody
constantly floating?
Is it rejoicing or merely aloaming?
Are you discussing?
Or fussing?
Or simply dreaming?
Are you crowing?
Are you screaming?
Ring dove and robinet is it for wages?
Singing to be sold?
Have you decided it's safer in cages
singing when you're told?
My cage has many rooms
damask and dark...
Nothing there sings,
not even my lark.
Larks never will,
you know,when they're captive.
Teach me to be more adaptive.
Ah...Green Finch, and Linnet Bird,
nightingale, blackbird,
teach me how to sing.
If I cannot fly...Let me sing.

Last night Cool Roommate and I went to see Sweeney Todd. Talk about fun! Murder, mayhem, cannibalism all wrapped in a Sondehim musical.

Okay, so it was Rated R but I'm sorry... its a musical and I'll watch just about any musical.

It was very bloody but the music was AMAZING.

This song made me think about how we sometimes do feel a little trapped in our circumstances in life. The character is being held against her will but manages to sing anyway. Shouldn't we all try to do that? ... No matter what we're dealing with, we should find some glimmer of happiness that allows us to sing.

I say that as I am singing this song as home. I am a horrible singer but I just enjoy singing.

And besides, the straighties are not home.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

He wanted to say...

... I wanted to talk to my parents more while on my final Christmas Vacation from school. But I didn't.

I don't know what I would have said.

I don't know whether anything I said would even matter. I'm doing alright. I'm going to church. I'm about to graduate in a field in which my parents are thrilled I'm going into. They don't have to twist my arm to do the right thing.

And yet I cannot help but feel as if I am letting them down on some level.

Maybe they'd prefer it if I was different.

I wonder if I shame my dad. If not, I wonder why he never wants to talk to me about things. Or say he is proud of me.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Focus on marriage... or something more?

I got an email today from a friend of mine who was feeling overwhelmed by thoughts of marriage. Evidently several of his friends lately are getting married. He's at the age just above graduation---and I am nearing it as well being nearly 26---that is just beginning to be over the "boundary" of normalcy for marriage.

Brigham Young is oft mis-quoted (or should I say ill-documented and poorly quoted as the age changes repeatedly) as saying single men in their late 20's were menaces to society.

Single people don't seemingly have a place in the church. I can assure you that every great aunt of mine has wondered why I'm not married. I've even had a cousin of my mother's try to hook me up AT A FAMILY REUNION. I know what its like to be a Single Mormon. Believe me.

What if Moho's stopped caring about marriage? What if marriage wasn't their motivation to stay in the church---?

So many Moho's say "I want a wife and children. That is why I keep battling!"

Well, that reason is good enough to stay in the church for now. But will it work 10 years from now?

Couldn't there be a better reason to stay?

Like... what about if instead of focusing on marriage and family as a commitment, we focused more on "I want to be a good person" or "I'd like to be with my Saviour someday, so I will live according to how he taught..."

Wouldn't that be a longer-lasting reason to continue with our life of honoring church commitments?

On a sidenote, I've had another friend of mine tell me he's received personal inspiration that going the gay route is okay with the Lord and he's allowed to have a sexual relationship with his partner. Does anyone else hear this? Personally, I'd rather stick with what the Prophet is saying rather than trying to change doctrine. Just curious if anyone's come across this.

Happy New Years! Make 2008 super hot and awesome!