Update on the life of a Post-it Lover

Recently I had the opportunity to do something which I kind of wondered if I'd ever do in this lifetime: go through the temple for the first time. It was absolutely incredible. I always describe it to my friends as being overwhelmed spiritually and mentally.

The peace in the temple is absolutely remarkable. I now look forward so much to returning and completing more work for my family.

Getting my recommend was never easy. I had a year of disciplinary council issues, working on overcoming addictive behaviors I'm not proud to admit were ever a part of my life, and working through repentance. However, a few months ago I got my recommend and I promptly set a date for the temple.

Some of my family and friends were able to accompany me.

The Temple made me feel even further that I'm doing the right thing. A lot of readers might not agree especially if they've left the church. However, it's true. Ignore this post if you think I've become indoctrinated into a cult. Because if I'm in a cult, it makes me feel safe and secure... So nothing you say will convince me otherwise.

I love this gospel!

What Ifs...

I was reading a post on the North Star Young Adults list today. It was posted by a member of the list who will soon be leaving... I don't want to name names, because those messages are private. However, the idea behind it was that he never fully accepted his SSA so when things like marriage and becoming a father came up, he took on those responsibilities and has noticed a change in the attractions... somewhat... through his determination to live the gospel.

Sometimes I wonder about all that different "What if..." situations.

What if I had gotten help when I was a teenager and didn't deal with depression and suicidal thoughts? Would I be a different person now...? Maybe married with children?

I am happy with my life but sometimes I wonder if I'm really doing what I'm supposed to be doing. Will I regret my decision to not get married in 50 years?

I'm getting closer to going through the temple for my own endowments. My bishop said I could get it soon. But I'm moving wards so he doesn't know when the new bishop will approve it. Its my next step though. I know it.

Kind of pissed at Steven Fales

So has anyone else heard of Steven Fales? He's the famous "Mormon Boy" actor or whatever... Anyway, I guess he has a new play in the works which is a collection of monologues from the perspective of our "Heavenly Mother"... A current play of his talks about temple ceremonies according to a review I read. (Why I read it, I have no idea... Since I wouldn't see his play even if I had free tickets since I've heard enough.)

I can appreciate his coming out stories, knowing that many experience the same things... I'm sure his life has been a challenge as he's had other non-gay issues in his life... and I'm sure he's struggled.

However, no matter where his testimony and faith (or lack thereof) he should have respect for sacred things...

Oh, this fumes me.

That guy is just like every inactive gay Mormon I've ever met... They lose the spirit and then BAM! Its all about making fun or talking lightly of sacred things. That really offends me. I don't care if he's had a hard life as a prostitute or drug addict or whatever else he's done---I'm sure that was hard for him. However, he's gotten beyond that and left the "cult" he'd been in... So why doesn't he just move on with his life and talk about something besides being Mormon?

So lame.

No one invite me to his show because I'd probably be angry the whole time. I don't like when people make fun of sacred things, no matter who or what they are... And I'm not just talking my beliefs, if someone was making fun of another religion's sacred services or beliefs, I'd be mad also.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Where in the world is Post It San Diego?

Does anyone remember that "Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?" game show? Well, if you don't, my post title makes no sense.

Its been months since I've updated this thing.

Here's where I'm at...

Since May I've been on an informal probation with the church. As of about a month ago, that probation has been removed so I'm now able to take the sacrament. I'm still working on myself spiritually, but I feel in many ways I'm advancing... I'm going to be going through the temple soon (hopefully within the next few months---) It all depends on what my Bishop says and what he tells the Stake President. I don't know WHEN this is all going to be fixed up.

Tonight I went to the Matis fireside and the topic was on Temples and going to get your Endowments. A weird topic, perhaps, but then again the speaker IS a Temple President.

The weird part of tonight happened when my Bishop's wife was in the audience. She's an old friend of the Matis family so I was a little in shock but now my wife knows I'm a Moho! Woohoo!

The last while I've been living with a friend of mine who has now moved back home temporarily---and its been hard for me to be alone. I do miss having him around. He'll only be gone a couple weeks but its still weird. When you are good friends with someone, its nice to have them around...

So basically my big news is that I'm preparing for the temple. I'm not going to get married. I'm not serving a mission. But its something I need to do.

In other news, I'm teaching my Sunday School class and the first week went smashing... I'm excited about it and the upcoming developments with it. My bishop's wife has decided to join now so she'll be in my class AND she knows the truth why I don't date despite being in a Young Single Adults ward.

In other other news, another friend of mine has evidently stopped being as active in the church. It happens a lot more than I'd like to say. It makes me sad... but at the same time, I'm happy that he's happy. Its just hard for me to see people leave the gospel, especially when I know there are testimonies inside their hearts.

So... for whoever is reading this, go back to church---shape up---and then stop complaining about your life because its not that bad. There are people starving in other countries or who are dying because they don't have access to penicillin. THEY have it far worse.

Stay strong Brothers and Sisters!

Prop 8

I cannot help but be shocked at my decision to follow the brethren regarding the Prop 8 initiative. Why? Because five years ago, I'd never have approved of anything which could be seen as discrimination.

For those who have been in a cave on Mars or have only recently been released from solitary confinement, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (of which I am a proud member) has requested its members to support traditional marriage by voting Yes on Prop 8. I don't live in California, nor have I ever lived there, but IF I did I would follow the First Presidency's counsel to support traditional marriage.

I think there are many with very different views on this issue. Many have gotten into arguments about it, debates, massive discussions in their blogs, facebook pages, etc. regarding these opinions. I was even criticized as a same-gender attracted person for my support of traditional marriage. However, to me, its not an issue... I believe in the gospel and I know what the Gospel has taught, repeatedly, over the years regarding marriage. When asked if I sustain the Prophet at General Conference, I hold up my hand. That reason alone is enough of an explanation as to why I choose to follow the Brethren.

I've been quote statistics... been shown how pre-marital relations can HELP a marriage... been told that people should do what feels right, what's in their heart, how its inequality, how we should do this and that and everything...

However, when it comes down to it, I believe in the Gospel. I believe in the Prophet. If he and the rest of his counselors and the Quorum of the Twelve have prayed regarding this and have been given the answer that traditional marriage is the way to go, then I will stand with them. No matter how many might say that I am hindering progress.

I've been told I'm not being as Christian as I could---because "God would want his children to be happy---so why would he disapprove of something which promotes love?!?!"---

Well, I do believe that Heavenly Father wants his children to be happy. Does he want them to deliberately disobey him---and allow others to allow it to happen? I don't think so. And if ANYONE in this Universe knows what will make us eternally happy, it is our Father in Heaven who has lived it all before.

What it all stems back to is my belief that WE as members of the Lord's church need to stop being wishy-washy with our opinions. If I see someone, even a member of my own immediate family, doing something which I think is against the Lord's Plan, I don't want them to believe that I find their actions satisfactory. I will not attack them, make them feel inferior or that I do not love them. But it would sadden me to know that whoever it is has chosen against the Lord's Plan for them...

So yes, I love my gay brothers and sisters---even those not of my faith---I don't wish them unkindness. Nor do I hope they find my words to be damaging.

I believe in the Gospel. Wholeheartedly. Not just the parts I like or which fit my agenda easily. I cannot go to Church on Sundays and go to a gay club the night before. Why would I want a law to be passed that would take what is our Lord's definition of a true marriage to be redefined to fit whomever's social agenda? Or to fit their own lifestyle more easily?

Even five years ago, I'd have probably wanted to fight for the rights for gays to marry. At one time, I was planning on getting married myself---to a woman who I still consider to be one of the most amazing people to ever walk this earth. Marriage is a beautiful thing. Five years ago, I'd not be where I am today... sitting at my computer and writing a blog about why I support Traditional Marriage. But, then again, five years ago I was still coming to terms with the turmoil which existed within me... I have since begun to realize the Lord's infinite plan and where I, as a proud member of the church who happens to deal with Same-gender attraction really fits into the picture.

Five years makes a big difference.

Tall and Tender like an Apollo...

What happened to the man from Tacaremba la Tumbe Del Fuego Santa Malipas Zatatecas la Junta del Sol y Cruz?

Well, he's right here... For those who don't know what this reference is, its a Sondheim Song about a woman who falls in love with a guy who is OBVIOUSLY not batting for her team. He is a great dancer, wears weird clothes, his friends call him Lillian and he owns a boutique... the woman still falls for him and doesn't understand why he doesn't return the affection.

Sometimes I feel like the guy in the song.

This past Sunday (before General Conference) a girl in my ward asked to sit next to me during Sacrament Meeting. Usually I sit alone---which is fine because I'm there for spiritual development and not purely social reasons---but it was a little weird. Does she like me a little? Is she just being nice? Social? Who knows.

It was a little strange for me because most of the time, women don't seem to notice me very much. And if they do, they don't make it evident.

Why am I so weird to not appreciate women? Am I a freak? Most guys would jump at the chance to have a nice girl sit next to them at church... For me, I felt awkward. But it was nice to not sit by myself for a change.

It is nice to get at least a little attention even if its from a woman. It goes to show that I'm not so entirely without visual charms.

In other news, a couple weeks ago a guy in my ward saw my outfit and asked why I was "dressed like that---wearing a suit and stuff..." which I thought was a little weird. Is it inappropriate to wear a suit to a Young Single Adult's ward? Sure, my suit was tailored well and I had a pocket square with a matching tie... but thats just style. :)

It was a little weird and felt like I was on display. Or that maybe my clothes were a little more extreme than most guys in my ward.

Well, if so, then aren't I even more like the man in the "The Boy from..." song? If so, why would a girl ask to sit next to me if I'm so blatantly obvious? Hmmm... I dunno.

I think I'm analyzing this too much.

Sometimes I wish I fit in at church a little more. And sometimes, I still wish I was married. Yesterday at the Matis fireside, I held a baby who belonged to a woman I met last month. His name is Seth and he's really cute. However, sometimes when I hold a baby I wish I had one of my own. I'd be a really good father. Much better than many others I know.

Its sad because there's a very real possibility it might never happen for me.

Le Sigh.

Being Blind to my Own Potential

On Monday, I went to the Matis fireside. And like always, I enjoyed it.

I didn't meet a lot of new people. I kind of kept to myself and just socialized with people I already knew. (Basically what I do every time I go... haha.) However, I had an enjoyable time seeing old friends and visiting.

Chris Belcher was there. I need to buy her book, I might add. She is a blind Latter-day Saint who has had something like four or five surgeries and radiation to remove cancers and tumors from her eyes... the first time being when she was only like 7 months old. Due to this, her face is a little misshapen.

However, as she spoke and I heard what she had to say, I was amazed by what a beautiful person she was. Not saying she was going to win Beauty Pageants... since that kind of beauty goes with age. She had this inner beauty---a really nice aura about herself where you could see she was a happy person.

So why are we as men who deal with same-gender attraction just sitting around complaining? I know I would choose attractions over blindness. And I think many of you would say the same thing. If we would choose this issue over another had we been given options, why do we sit around and talk about how unfair life is?

I think we can all be happy no matter what struggle we have. And we don't need to leave the church to pursue happiness.