Monday, June 30, 2008

A day in a new life...

Already, I feel like my life is a little different. I'm on an unofficial probation right now, I guess, so church will be a little weird for a couple weeks ... Unless the Stake President says I don't need the probation. Unsure of what he'll say.

Regardless, I am feeling happy and confident that whatever is decided will be for the good of not only myself but my relatives' whose work in the Temple I can complete when this all happens. It will be insane getting baptized for some of my deceased relations. And then also Endowments and sealings too.

I feel like I'm beginning a new life. That makes me happy. :)

I still want prayers from my Mohomies, if you wouldn't mind. It took a LOT for me to talk to a Bishop since I hate admitting my faults. But, as I said, its for the best...

Sunday, June 29, 2008

My "First Time"

Well, its not going to be as sensual as you might think...

Today was my first time meeting with the Bishop regarding getting my Temple Recommend. I explained the Same-Gender Attraction thing. Told him about any issues I've had in the past ... He's let me know that I can get my temple recommend... but he's not sure when. He would like to counsel with the Stake President to determine what will need to be done.

My Bishop was very supportive... He even let me know that one of his close relatives deals with the same issue.

I will be meeting with him on a weekly basis ...

I've decided I'm going to do whatever they ask of me to do. And I will do my best to follow the commandments and participating in my ward. Going to Family Home Evenings. Ward Activities. Church Every Sunday. Paying Tithing. Etc.

This coming Sunday, I have a meeting with him...

I will keep you posted. Please keep me in your prayers so I can get a recommend as soon as is possible...

Friday, June 27, 2008

Careers and blessings. . .

I already had a job by the time I graduated college. I know what you are thinking "HOW was it possible?" Well, I would love to take the credit for it but I realize that it would be a little selfish. I realize it is a definite blessing from my Heavenly Father.

However, I wasn't getting enough hours. I still am not but its not due to a lack of work. I am merely having scheduling issues. It is hard for me to work 40 hours a week at my job despite LOVING what I do.

I will not tell you what I do as my job would basically out me to everyone ... not because it is a gay job. The reason my job would out me is that I'm in a specialized field and so I am just a little protective over my privacy.

My job is not technically "full-time" nor does it offer any benefits.

I got a call from a friend the other day who alerted me to a possible job where he works. I still have not heard officially whether or not I could get the job, but his boss was interested in hiring me. So, last night I was up until 2 AM working on a resume.

This job would offer a salary, benefits, more job security, and a potential for traveling in the future...

Even though I don't HAVE the job, I can see our Heavenly Father's hand in this.

I don't consider myself somehow special enough to gain these blessings. However, I know that I am special in God's eyes. If I don't always see myself as special or important, I merely need to look at the blessings around me.

Right now, I am living rent free with a relative... in exchange for housework and things.

I am living in my mom's old bedroom she had as a child. Its a little strange realizing that, but its cool in a way. My mom and I are exceedingly close, especially since I told her of my same gender attraction issues three years ago. (Holy crap! Was it really that long ago? I guess it really is... WOW!)

What a difference has occurred in my life since I told my parents... Some has been hard. Some have been a major blessing. I do not regret any of it...

And now, I am working towards having a career of my dreams. If these are not evidences of my commitment to the gospel and not going the "gay way" then I don't know what is.

Life is beautiful. We should all enjoy it.

Post-It Boy

Friday, June 20, 2008

Mixed Blessings and a Random Quote

Was browsing the Northern Lights blogs and came across a little blog game... pick up the closest book. Go to Page 123. Find the 5th sentence on the page and post it.

For me, it was "Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe" ... Actually it was my copy of the books where they're all contained in one book. (Would be amazing if Harry Potter could ever do this but the book would be enormous and completely impractical... haha.)

The line: "Make it Pax."

That means "Make Peace" in older British Slang. (We're talking WWII time England...)

Interestingly enough, the fourth sentence on the page says "Do Come Out" and the 6th was "Still there was no answer."

Neither of those are really good for inspiring members of the church to be strong in the gospel. :)

Since graduation, I've remained busy by continuing things I love... cooking, watching movies, working, etc. But I have noticed that right now, it seems, my life is rather peaceful. Maybe its because most of my friends haven't spoken to me in a while. (I've only seen a few of my friends since moving to Salt Lake...) Or maybe its because I don't have school to keep me extra busy.

I guess graduation helped me realize a few things about myself... I can do a lot of things with my time now that I am done with school. However, as I don't have things like the Honor Code hanging over me, I guess now is the time to proof to myself and others that I want the best life has to offer... which includes the Gospel.

For those who are curious, I have emailed around to some other companies to find work and I've had some positive responses.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Two months ago...

... I used to blog regularly. For the last couple of months I've been busy. Sure, I know that sounds like a really lame excuse but in all sincerity... I have been busy.

For all of May, I've been in South America. Revisiting old friends and meeting some new ones.

I rediscovered this song and I absolutely love it. It is from a Swedish musical about the trials of emigrants from the country in the 19th century. As I'm a social history geek, I enjoy the songs I've heard thus far... even with very limited Swedish knowledge.

The English translation follows, taken from various sources. You can look up the song on Youtube...

Du måste finnas from Kristina från Duvemåla

You expelled me God
From my homeland I was torn
Here I seek refuge and am a strange
and that fate I willingly accept
but you took my child...
you seperate me from my husband
I can no longer see a purpose...

What is it you want? What should I believe in?
What is it Lord that you want? That I am not seeing?
Never once have I dared
Never until today

Who is to save me if into the darkness I fall?
Now that I need more than ever to have my God near me...
Do you hear when I call? Are you there after all?

The thought is terrifying, before me gapes an abyss
My whole being is in turmoil and wants to say no
The question is asked and my soul trembles in wait for the answer
... That you don't exist
Though I believed in you
Who would help me endure life in this place out there?
Who would give me the strength that I must recieve?
Who would console me, I am so small on this here earth
If you weren't there, what would i do then?

No you have to be there, you have to...
I want to live my life through you
Without you I am a remnant on a dark and stormy sea
You have to be there, you have to, how can you abandon me?
I would be nowhere.
I would be nothing if you weren't there.

Never before has it been in my thoughts or in my speech
That little word that scares me and torments me so...
The word is "if", if I prayed all my prayers for nothing
If you aren't there...
what shall I do then?

Who would sense my my dread, and then forgive me?
The peace in my soul, who would bestow upon me?
Who would greet me in the end after dying?
It you aren't there, who would take care of me then?
No, you have to be there, you have to, live my life through you
Without you I'm a remnant on a dark and stormy sea
You have to be there, you have to, how can you abandon me?
I would be nowhere
I would be nothing if you weren't there...

You have to be there, you have to, how can you abandon me?
I would be nowhere
I would be nothing if you weren't there...

I would be truly lost without God in my life. I do not know how inactive members of the church can handle that seperation.

The only difference with how I feel with these lyrics... is that to me, it doesn't matter if God doesn't exist or not. I do not mean to sound blasphemous because I know He exists and watches over us. I merely state that to me, it doesn't matter if He is there because I want to live a good life... and so even if I die and that is the end of my life as I know it, at least I have done all I can to be a good friend, charitable person, etc.

Being Gay or Same-gender attracted doesn't mean we cannot be those things: Good Sons, Good Neighbors, Good people. However, it doesn't excuse immoral behavior either. I think so many people get caught up in that "Well, just because I'm gay doesn't mean I'm a bad person..." because it doesn't mean that at all.

And, the Gospel doesn't teach that you are either. So why can't more people reconcile their hurt feelings, get off their Pro-Everything soapbox and get back to the root of the good things in this life... which stem from the Gospel.

I am excited to go to my new ward tomorrow. For those who don't know, I've graduated from BYU officially and I am now living in Salt Lake City with my family. Woohoo!

Everyone email me and tell me how you're doing!