Thursday, September 20, 2012

I Daydream... a lot

Confession: I love to daydream.

I like to think about my future and think of all the things I want to do in life. All the places I want to go. All the dreams I've had.

For the last few months, I've thought a lot more about having a special guy to bring home at Christmas or Thanksgiving---someone who'd be excited for our future and supportive of me. I dream about that perfect little house with my 2-3 kids. I picture being the cool dad who knows how to cook any food the kids would want---bake all the cookies... teaching them to garden, paint, draw... teaching them to ride a bike and swim...

And I always imagined I'd have a partner to do it with. Someone who'd treat me special, love me no matter what and who I'd enjoy going to bed with at the end of the day.

Now I realize more and more that I am consistently disappointed with my life and that I'm probably not good in romantic situations. I don't see how or why anyone would choose me.

There's been a few times in my life when I thought I'd finally get my Cinderella-Prince Charming situation. Every time I've been disappointed in the long run.

So maybe that house with the kids and teaching them all those great things will be headed by a single dad without romantic attachments? It might be easier than daydreaming of a future with some guy who'd really love me---someone who'd love me, and the church, even if we didn't live it strictly.

I always dreamed my life would be so different from this hell I'm living. So different now from what it seems. Now life has killed the dreams I dreamed.

2 comments:

Joe said...

Based on what I can tell from reading your blog, I would choose someone like you. We want a lot of the same things and I like your personality. (Too bad we live in different countries. ;) )

I don't think that your expectations are unrealistic and you really deserve for your dreams to be fulfilled one day.

INSIDE said...

Prince charming is on his own journey to find you. In the mean time, why don't you take cooking lessons and baking lessons. Prepare yourself for the future you want. Don't wait to start when the future is present. Make your future.