I don't really want to be seen as like the "Gay Mormon Father" spokesperson but sometimes I feel like I am.
Some people have asked why my blog has taken such a dramatic change from my earliest posts. I'm still active in the Church, although I don't go every week---I have a stubborn cold which won't go away... I'm not as unhappy as I used to be. My old blog entries tended to be about stress and depression. Now, they're mostly about babies and my future. What changed?
1) I went through therapy. I got through a lot of my depression problems. They're still around, sometimes, but for the most part they're gone. I know longer think in strict black-and-white terms (many Moho's and LDS people in general do this---you're either a sinner or a saint, nothing in between... although I think we're all in that middle ground area!)
2) I've stopped dealing a lot with "groups"---I felt like the whole SSA community dragged me down at times. I went to group therapies for a while to help others but it wasn't helpful to me. I didn't have a lot of the same problems others dealt with. So I took a very long break from those groups. Even now, I'm in the online NorthStar groups but don't actively participate in a lot of the discussions. Not as much as I used to when it was the online Yahoo group---and then the Google Group and now the Facebook group.
I'm not against groups---if they help you. However, I felt like a lot of them were just people who complained a lot. Didn't work out much of their own issues, etc.
3) Right now it's all work-work-work... Saving for a new car which I hopefully will have next month! WOOHOO! It won't be brand-new but it will be new-er than my 17 year old clunker. I'm focused on other things in life so when I think about non-work things I like to think (and thus blog) about babies.
4) I turn 30 this year. I am ancient! And to me, families should generally be started in one's late 20's or 30's instead of like early 20's or late teens. Even if I was straight, I don't know if I'd have started a family when I was like 22. I feel too young now sometimes and I'm almost 30.
So I guess thats why my blog is so much about babies as opposed to gayness. I don't really "struggle" with things. I've made it a point not to use those terms like struggle, trial, etc. when talking about this aspect of my life. To me, its just an unavoidable thing which I have in my life---don't see it changing any time soon. Don't see it going away. So instead I've just found ways to deal with it while remaining in the church. Am I the best example of Mormondom? I doubt it.
But I'm doing my best. I'm a work in progress.