Monday, May 21, 2012

Why should I?

What is the whole point of going to church, exactly? I know it might sound like its coming out of left field. But I have been going for over a year and whenever I do go, I feel so much bitterness. I cannot explain it. Yesterday just kind of tipped the iceberg a bit with the gay people are dangerous thing. How much more of this crap should I have to listen to?

I don't gain anything from church attendance. I haven't felt the spirit in a long time. Going to church just makes me angry. Wondering about transferring wards again to avoid the "You new here?" question... considering I've been going to the ward for... years.

Some members of the church say the stupidest things. Honestly. Gay people are dangerous. One quote was "Who knows what they'll be doing?" and "Who knows what else they have planned to teach children?" or something along those lines. Oh, its so aggravating. Aren't there bigger issues to fry right now? Like... why do Mormons dress so frumpy and look so fake-happy all the time?

I guess what I'm saying is: How much ignorance should one human being really have to put up with?

1 comment:

Therman said...

I completely and profoundly understand where you're coming from on this, buddy. It hurts very deeply when people speak ignorantly or preach blind intolerance for the sake of religious zeal. I heard many similar remarks throughout my wards at BYU while the Prop 8 campaign was going on. I only wish I had kept more detailed journal entries during that time so I could remember all of the hurtful, sharp, and biting remarks I heard.

Ok, now I'm going to give it you you straight....with love! <3

You must search your heart and truly identify why you are attending church. You must weigh the benefits and the disadvantages you gain from attendance. Here are some rhetorical questions:

Do you feel uplifted and enlightened when you attend church?

How is your self-image impacted with attendance?

How is your personal revelation coinciding with what is being taught?

Do you feel closer to God with attendance?

Only you can make the correct choice for yourself. Someone else's choices might look different from yours and that's OK. No one has to be the same. You're a very smart person (and good looking!) so you've at least got these two things going for you. ;)

Also, identify when you're just "venting" or when you're trying to "problem solve toward a personal decision". Venting frustrations can be very helpful, but after we release our anger or confusion, we should let it dissipate into the universe. We release it.

Problem solving toward a solution, however, is different, because we are trying to work out things to come toward a final conclusion for ourselves.

Each one of these needs to happen for us to stay sane. I guess what I'm trying to say is see which one you're truly going through right now and decide what you're going to do about it.

After a couple years, I eventually chose to remove my name from The Church records and not only has my self-image, self-talk, and view of Diety increased into something positive, but my life has blossomed into something I never really expected for myself. And my hot anger toward The Church has just turned into a dull sadness.

I'm always here to talk, my friend.