Role of a lifetime...

You need to listen to Bare: A Pop Opera's song "Role of a Lifetime"... Have I blogged about it before?

Amazing. And I am so retarded I just realized that the lyrics were about a gay couple.

The song is about living a lie. Playing a part. While living behind a smiling face. But being torn on the inside.

I guess it hits me a little hard because recently a friend of a friend committed suicide. I know what its like to feel that desperate to actually hold a knife against my skin... Wanting to die but being snapped back into reality. I cannot speak for this Brother who died as to his reasons. However, I can speak for myself... I hated having to hide, wanting to be perfect, and wishing so desperately for someone to hold me when I cried.

Does it make sense to reprise a role in which one is unhappy---never having any happiness from relationships? No.

I have now since become better from much of my depression. I used to become so lonely that I would cry myself to sleep. It was really horrible.

So I will probably have a roommate to help balance loneliness.

I don't desire a relationship with a woman. I considered having a female roommate but realized that appearances would be bad for that one. I guess because I am more concerned with where my heart is and less about appearances, it had never occurred to me that living with a woman as a roommate might be viewed as inappropriate.

So, what about a male roommate who dealt with SGA?

Would that also be an "Appearance Ruiner"? Would it be less than if I lived with a woman?

Where is when you draw the line at being overly concerned with appearances and more concerned with your activity in the church and where your heart is?

WHY couldn't two men deeply committed to the gospel who also happen to be same-gender attracted live together in harmony with gospel teachings? (We're talking about a roommate non-sexual relationship here...)

The thing is... I would be happy if I just had someone to do things with. If I'm like 75 and single, I wouldn't mind as long as I didn't come home to a house with 12 cats. :)

I just want someone to come home to at night. But... the difference between me and most of the gay community is that I want to be a temple-going Latter-day Saint (usually viewed as a homophobic church.)

I want someone to plant a garden with. To cook dinners with. To help with household chores and to have someone to go on trips with. Is that such a ridiculous concept?

I have been praying about this idea but was curious what others thought.