Sunday, December 9, 2007


... I gave a talk in which I mentioned Harry Potter references.

Am I weird?

... Yes.

My talk went well. Considering I couldn't find the article from the Ensign I was supposed to write on. Except by googling it.

Today I've been thinking about how blessed I am. I'm much happier than I used to be. I think I used to be scared of my future.

And while I'm open to many possibilities for my future, I like the idea of having someone to be with me as I experience my life. And not just anyone. I'd like someone who treats me like a lady.

I'm totally kidding. Just seeing if you're paying attention.

Tonight Cool Roommate (my Moho roommate) and I watched Family Stone while we made Christmas cookies. And by "we" I mean that it was me entirely. The cookies were delicious. The movie is still one of my favorites. I watch it every chance I am in a Holiday mood.

Claire Danes is gorgeous in it. As always. I don't know why I find her so pretty.

In the movie, there's a scene in the movie where "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" is played while various couples or individuals in the movie are shown. One is the gay deaf son and his black partner. (Talk about basically being outcasts in society...) And the two men are being a little affectionate with each other while walking outside in the snow. Its such great cinematography and such a powerful song that I am moved every time.

And it made me miss this part in my life. I used to have friends with whom I was more affectionate than I am now. I have decided to not be as affectionate with friends as I used to. Its a long story but its partially a promise to a friend of mine. I get a lot of other forms of affection, but less physical kinds of things---touching, hugging, kissing, etc.

I don't regret many of the changes I've made in my life, as I know that they're all for the best. However, I miss that closeness sometimes. It doesn't make me bad to desire that. It just makes me human. Its just that I desire it with a man over a woman.

Its been months since I've been kissed. And it is for the best. I have to save my kisses for special occasions. Or they might become passe. :)

But seriously. I do miss physical closeness sometimes. It doesn't make me weird. It makes me human.

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