Gay eye for the SSA Guy: Body Part 1

I think that talking about one's body will take several posts. This is Part 1.

A lot of people complain to me about their bodies---both gay and straight. Men and women. Its actually really sad that its much less common for me to find people who are satisfied with their bodies than people who hate their bodies.

There are a lot of things people complain about with their bodies. The first one is their WEIGHT. Since this is a hot topic, it deserves its own post. I have had weight issues my whole life. I have worked on improving myself for ages.

My first rule of thumb about making any changes to your life and to make it more positive is this:

"I need to accept and love myself no matter what I look like! Only after that, I can change what I can!" 

I never lose weight when I do it to impress other guys. Sadly, I did actually start losing weight this year initially to try to impress someone. It was pathetic and so were my results. I had to change my focus from impressing others to improving myself. It was THEN that I shed 15 lbs in just about 2 months. Still not at my goal, but I am getting there. 

Warning: I am a direct person. I might say things which make you upset. I might even offend you. However, you're here because obviously you want to make some changes to your life. Maybe if someone was as straight forward as I am, you'd have gotten real advice.

WEIGHT. The most cliche thing for me is to hear people complain about their weight. It usually is involved with phrases commonly heard. All of these excuses are self-defeating attitudes. If you use these or similar, you've already set yourself up for continued failure at improving your weight. Pure and simple.

a) "I've always been fat!"

If you've always been fat, that doesn't mean you cannot lose weight. It just means that you haven't reached your goal. Are you telling yourself you've always been fat as a means of comfort? Or to give yourself an excuse to not lose weight? I bet you were not "always" fat---maybe childhood chubbiness was around. Maybe you have always been a bit overweight. But it doesn't mean you've ALWAYS been fat. Thats an all or nothing concept (see below for the black and white thinking reference in letter b.)

b) "Nothing I do helps me lose weight!"

If "nothing" helps you lose weight, you need to become a medical experiment because I've never met anyone who couldn't lose weight. There's always methods. If you truly are one of the .01% of the population who cannot lose weight at all because of some sort of genetic problem, get tested and prove it. Otherwise, stop your bitching and try harder. Sure, maybe nothing you've done so far has worked to your liking, but that doesn't mean NOTHING helps. You're thinking in a black and white perspective that you're either thin or you're fat. For more on Black and White thinking, go here: http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/05/18/cognitive-distortion-how-does-black-and-white-thinking-hurt-us/

c) "I've tried every diet!"

If you've tried EVERY diet, you're a miracle worker since there are literally millions of diet books, pills, shapers, plans, etc. Every week there's another dozen statistics showing this helps you or that hurts you. The phrase "every diet" is all inclusive and is an example of black and white thinking. 

The word every is a very hard word to you. If I say "Every time I play this video game, I lose!" Well, it usually is true---unless you play a game for the first time and play it until you win, you DO always lose at a video game. But you still play that video game. Why? Because it is fun! (I'm not a gamer but I am using it as an example.)

I bet you have tried several diets. Maybe even multiple. Maybe you've been yo-yo dieting. (My attitude is Yo-Yo is a No-No)

d) "Diets don't work for me"

Once again, what makes your body so unique that dieting doesn't work? I bet you're either doing the wrong diet. You're not dedicated enough to those you have done. Or you're just using this as an excuse as to why you cannot lose weight. Maybe you use this excuse at family reunions when people ask you about your body---or maybe you use it when chatting with friends who are losing weight and you think "If I say diets don't work for me, I won't be judged!"

Well, sorry, sweetums... You're going to be judged for your appearance. No matter what. You know who is judging your body the worst? Its not your coworkers or your great aunt Marjorie Dawes. It is YOU. So why don't you stop giving excuses and start setting goals and planning instead?

e) "I cannot afford a gym"

At times we all struggle with expenses. I am the queen of financial distress. However, joining a gym is not always required to exercise. Last I checked, there were at-home DVD players which play exercise videos. There's Wii Dance games you can play. There's the OUTDOORS. Hikes, jogging, taking a baby out for a walk on a stroller, buying a dog who needs to exercise with you, etc.

A lot of gyms have promotional offers which make them also very affordable too. 

f) "If I go to a gym, I'll just be surrounded by good looking fit people!"

Last I checked, you were a homo so why would being surrounded by good looking fit people be a problem? Personally, I LOVE to be around hot guys. I thought that is what made you read this blog to begin with?

Okay, so I'm half kidding with the above statements. But its kinda true. :)

In seriousness, if you're not comfortable being at a gym with fit guys, then don't join. Do the above ideas of exercising at home or privately. However, the irony is... a lot of those guys at the gym are not super fit and muscular. If they were naturally gorgeous, they probably wouldn't be at the gym. If you're not comfortable showering or changing in front of them, that is something we'll work on in the future posts about body acceptance.

I think if people at a gym see you there, they probably won't bat an eyelash. If they see you going regularly (since most gym people go at specific times of day---its healthier and fits into a schedule.) Some gyms are open early and close late. So any time can fit into your schedule.

The point of you going to the gym is to get healthy. Not necessarily to be checking out the guys. (Although that can be a perk.) Focus it all on YOU. This is a time to help YOU make changes to your body.


Part 2 will discuss ideas and principles which are so basic, you'd be surprised at how well they work.

Love and accept yourself!