Sometimes I feel unpopular.
Not that I'm not well-liked. I just feel unpopular.
I think people like me. I hope people like me. I'm generally quite sure people like me.
The last two nights I have hung out with friends. Outside my apartment.
I realized last night that it had been like a month since that had happened. Cool Roommate and I (the two moho's of the apartment) hang out. We watch movies, curl each other's hair and gab about American Idol... Okay, kidding about all but the movies part.
So... Cool Roommate and I hang out.
I'm in College. I'm a good looking, funny guy... maybe I'm just destined to be a little socially awkward and retarded enough that its not very often I'm asked to hang out with people. Is there something about me which is un-approachable? Are others just as busy as me at times? Or maybe I just spend too much time doing school work and playing the cello.
I don't play the cello. Just seeing if someone is paying attention.
If I'm well-liked by friends, why is it that I am unpopular as a person for others to call up to hang out with me?
During my Freshman year of college, there was a Sadie Hawkins' style dance (girl asks guy) and I was one of two guys in my apartment not asked. The other guy was dating a girl who didn't go to school there. So I was basically the only student at this Mormon University without a date. Granted, it was my first semester there... but wouldn't you think SOMEONE wanted to go out with me?
I wonder if now, in my Senior year, if there was a Sadie's dance... would I ever get asked? Would people even notice me TO ask me?
During my first two semesters at BYU I was asked to hang out only once in another apartment at BYU. ONCE. And then that guy never invited me over again and stopped talking to me except on very rare occasions. I also didn't hang out with my roommates back then either. So I used to escape to friends' and relatives' houses in Salt Lake on weekends just to have someone to talk to.
During my second semester at BYU, I brought up the lack of hanging out and lack of friends with my coworkers (who were my only friends at BYU at the time) and I asked them point blank why someone like me wasn't popular...
One coworker told me that she would assume I had lots of friends already. When I asked why, she said that I was so good looking that most people would be tempted not to talk to me. Or ask me out. Or ask to hang out. Knowing I'd somehow be busy no matter when they asked me. (This is from a married girl, btw.) One girl even said that most people on campus would assume I was married since I'm so out-going, friendly and rather charming. (She is married now but wasn't then---was this a come-on???!!!! lol)
A few months ago, I was talking to a Moho friend and another Moho I didn't know very well was a part of the conversation... The second Moho said "Looking at you, I never thought you'd ever have problems with feeling disliked... You always struck me as someone who never had any problems with popularity!"
So am I just unapproachable then---and that's my issue?
I guess I still sometimes wonder if people like me. I used to worry people only liked me based on my appearance. (I know this sounds smug but I have previously battled YEARS with self-image issues...)
I'm used to being a little alone sometimes, but not always lonely.
I'm not posting this for sympathy or pity. It was just some of my thoughts. It just seems like everyone around me has more people that want to hang out with them than I do. I don't think I'm a horribly unlikeable person. But...
Maybe its something I need to work on.