Mother, I do!
Tonight I had an hour long conversation with my mother. We talked about a little family stuff---my nephew was just baptized and half my family went to the baptism... surprisingly, thoughts of a mass family homicide didn't enter anyone's minds and everyone was quite happy with the event.
We also talked about life in general and then I told her about some of my new philosophies I've adopted. My mother and I talked about lots of things including the most recent Matis fireside. I told her about the girl who was a burn victim who never complains about her life, despite its trials... She had a near-death experience which taught her the importance of seeing blessings, not curses, in our lives. I told her about the Evergreen Conference a little bit more and the things I learned there. She and I had already spoken at great lengths about it a month ago.
I was just thinking about how lucky I am to have my mother.
About a year ago, I was heavily addicted to the show Desperate Housewives. In it, the beautiful Bree Van De Kamp is the perfect mother. She always has the house perfectly straightened, her hair is always just-right, her cooking is timed to the second for best flavor, beds are made, the linens are always fresh, and everything in her life is perfect... etc.
And Bree has a gay son, who actually, if I might add is kind of cute. In that "I look like an Extra on High School Musical" sort of way.
In one episode she abandons this son on the side of the road because of what a trouble maker he has become. She cannot accept that he is gay. In a tearful scene, he tells her that he won a bet since he knew that someday she would stop loving him because he was gay.
A year ago, I called my mom. I'd been thinking about this episode. My mom's never really seen the show. I told her about Bree and how he's the best wife, mother and homemaker. I told her that she had the perfect life... except her son was gay.
I told my mom "I know you're not Bree... Your cooking is good but you don't cook gourmet meals. You are always behind on housework. You don't always care if your hair is perfect or your outfit is designer brands... But I wouldn't trade you for Bree Van De Kamp any day..."
I wouldn't trade my mom for any other mother.
My mother accepted me and my same-gender attraction from the minute I first told her. She didn't question it. She didn't have to think whether she wanted me in her life.
What mother besides the best mother would accept her son so fully?
I have told her most of my "deep-dark secrets"---she knows I have kissed a few of my male friends. She knows that I don't feel guilty about them since they're just affectionate things between friends. Once I was even in the car and I remarked about a passersby "He's kind of cute..." I about died but my mom didn't even notice.
What mother besides the best mother would not notice?
She believes in me even when I haven't always believed in myself. My mother told me once that she believes same-gender attraction was given to me because someday I would outshone the rest of those around me through my diligent efforts in the gospel.
She has even attended some of the Evergreen events with me. Soon, there is going to be a stake activity in her area with a class on same-gender attraction and how to help a loved one who struggles with it... When I asked, she did tell me she would be attending and would be present to give comments, suggestions, etc.
My mother helped pay for an unpaid internship to Europe. She didn't even mind when I spent some---err... nearly half---of the money on a camera. (It is a good camera, I might add---and very functional for Europe!)
She has helped pay for my last few months of living expenses while I have battled being sick with several infections, fatigue and stress.
What mother, besides the best mother, would give money she cannot afford to give?
I know my mom wants very much for me to get married someday. I am sure she secretly has wedding plans picked out. She'd love more grandchildren. I am sure she would love to see me happy someday. I know she doesn't want me to be lonely.
She also knows I'm an individual who is very stuck in my ways. But that I am also trying to fit myself into a life which doesn't really make a lot of sense to most people.
My mother has told me I am her favorite. She never has to wonder if I'm being truthful. I never make her angry. I've told her far too much about me for her to doubt my honesty. I help her reach high things on shelves. I am always calling her when I need to talk, or to update her on my life, or just to ask how her day is. I even help her hang photos and paintings in her home since I have "an eye" for those things. She might say "You are my favorite" to all her children, but who knows... maybe I really am.
Mother, I love you!