Sunday, September 30, 2007

I've got to stop

I seriously post like twice a day now.

One of my thoughts which I've been working on for the last couple of months is my anger---not anger towards the church since I love the church. I truly do (even if I don't always---or ever---fit the LDS Church Boy mold.)

Sometimes in the past I've become a little angry towards gays in the church. Not Moho's. Not Gays outside the church. But those gay men in the church who leave---either going inactive or remaining active while having sex and having boyfriends... (the latter annoys me even more than the former group...)

An old friend of mine is now an out gay man. He says he's happy. He's left BYU, moved to another state, doesn't go to church and is now an atheist or something... We see this all the time---church members who leave for one reason or another. So WHY do I sometimes get frustrated and angry with these church members?

Well, I should say why DID I get annoyed? Since generally, it doesn't bother me anymore.


Because I'm happier than they are. I have people who love me. I have a major in a school I love... I have a supportive family, generally, and I get to spend my free time doing my favorite hobby. And I have some amazing friends---in and out of the Moho community. Yes, I do have friends who are not into boys! I swear!

I used to be angry at them---maybe part of it was a deep down jealousy.

As I go to each Evergreen Conference and as I mature as a person, I now have changed my anger to pity and concern... I feel bad for them. Since once they knew the truth and they have now turned away from it. A lot of them have criticized me since I'm not running around town wearing pink and waving the rainbow flag... I do not care though since I am happy as I am.

I hope I'm an example to them. Since they are my brothers in the gospel.


MoHoHawaii said...

Not everyone can survive in the church. Some people leave because it's the only way they can maintain their sanity.

People take many paths: in the church or out; celibate, with a same-sex partner or in a mixed-orientation marriage. Mostly, people are doing the best they can given their individual circumstances.

Good luck to you.

Post-It Boy said...

And I agree. As I said, I do not get angry anymore... that used to be how I viewed it. Now, I just try to live as an example.