Sunday, March 25, 2012

Liberal thinking... or hope for the future?

Recently I've been termed a liberal. This weekend, its happened a few times with people who know me from online discussions on the NorthStar group pages. Although most of the time, it is not meant as a complaint or a negative---for some people, liberal thinking might be viewed as a threat.

For example:

A typical LDS guy often times lives their life following the rules. Scouting, seminary, graduation, off to BYU, mission, and then comes home and marries... Mohos usually do the same thing if they've come from nice families. I, of course, am different and didn't follow all of them. But I was more or less the same good LDS kid growing up.

A moho tends to follow the same route as his straight\OSA\whatever peers. However, when he returns from the mission and likely BYU, he's left with feelings attraction to his own gender. Most, if not all, of the time, the attractions haven't changed on his mission. He likely wished they would, but they didn't.

Many of those guys go on to therapies through Evergreen or what-not. Many seek refuge in the gospel, hoping the feelings will go away with time. So they can be "normal"... Some seek marriage for the wrong reasons (i.e. to get the feelings to go away...) Although this is less of a route in more recent years, thank goodness. Many fight for years and years---hating those attractions, hating themselves, many turn suicidal or battle years of depression.

Now what I am about to say will shock or scare you. But what if you didn't have to be depressed, anxious, suicidal or full of self-loathing? What if you could love yourself?

When I first started to go through cognitive therapy, my therapist wasn't as concerned about changing my orientation as he was about making my brain get reworked to get myself motivated to think more positively.

If you could love yourself, would you be as worried about changing yourself?

If you could love yourself, would you go through life feeling suicidal or depressed?

If you could love yourself, would that change your desire to be in the gospel?

In all likelihood, your answer would be NO.

Just because you are not full of self-loathing doesn't mean you're any less of a gay\ssa\sga\Moho Mormon. You'd be MORE of one. (Not calling you a sissy boy! I promise!) You'd be a more positive example for those in the community to aspire to be like. There are so many guys out there who feel like they're in this constant struggle with these unwanted, hated attractions which make them feel like they're rotten to the core.

Some might find it liberal that I teach to love yourself. I think it might be the hope for the future in regards to our attractions. We don't have to be full of self-loathing to be a Latter-day Saint. The Prophets have counseled us to be happy people. I am not saying that you need to leave the church. I'm not saying that you have to stay. I'm saying, you need to be HAPPY. And if you're not, then try to be.

How is it a threat? Well, I think some people genuinely believe that life has to be a constant struggle. Sure, I still struggle with things---I have to pay my taxes soon which is a struggle. I have annoyances and pains in my neck happen. Do I have to be unhappy while living life with these attractions? Nope. Does it mean I've quit, thrown in the towel, or admitted defeat because I love myself? No way!

I don't think I'm rotten. I'm not a cracked vase with the crack to the wall. I'm me. 105% Post-it Boy. And overall, I love myself. Even my attractions.


Trev said...


I consistently think back to the point that when dealing with these big life decisions, you can't be happy with ANYTHING you choose unless you are committed to your choice and believe you deserve that happiness. I think it's thus harder for Mohos (as opposed to other types of "hos") to find happiness because if they accept the dichotomy presented them, it is painful if not impossible to invest faith in happiness in either of the polar opposite "options" traditionally thought to be available.

Beck said...

Happiness does come from self-acceptance. The more I am willing to accept and love myself for who I am and how I always have been, the more I am able to find happiness in my choices.