I think about my life when I'm alone.
... And I am alone quite a bit.
Not always out of my own choosing. Sometimes I'm alone when the last thing I'd want is to be alone.
I think that my life isn't all that bad. I miss having someone around who tells me I'm important to them. I have that with some of my friends, one in particular who tells me everyday how Important I am. However, sometimes when I'm alone in my bed just before I fall asleep, I wonder why I am alone in the first place.
I walked through Gordon B. Hinckley's viewing on Thursday. It was really beautiful seeing so many thousands of people coming to honor him. I hope that when I die, people (including myself) will look back and say I did a good job. Hopefully I'll even get a Gold Star for my life.
I worry sometimes that when I'm old, I won't have as many visitors. By that time, everyone I know will be married with kids and grandkids, etc. And I'll just be that old guy at the end of the street whose house people are afraid of. haha. Well, hopefully not.
Sometimes I feel a little trapped in what I can become. I really want to teach someday, and I'm working towards that goal. But... A single male BYU Professor? Could it be possible? We'll see.
I've dreamed about teaching at BYU for years. Its all I've ever really wanted to be, since I grew up from the childish ideas that I could make it big on Broadway despite no singing capabilities. I think every little moho dreams about acting sometimes. :)
But, if BYU won't hire me because I am single, I guess it is their loss. I'd be dedicated if they hired me. And they wouldn't have to worry about paying for any dependants on the insurance.
I want to spend my life feeling as if I've accomplished something.
So, to my friend who tells me I am important everyday, I know you read these blogs. Just remember you're my best friend and I couldn't imagine not having you around.
And for all those others who read my blog, hang in there... I get lonely sometimes, I know, but generally I'm quite happy with my life. I just get lonely and analyze too much.