Randomly written Thoughts

Today I went to Sacrament Meeting and sat in the hallwayand the whole time I kind of wished I was in a different ward. Then I walked into the Chapel and saw dozens of new faces and wondered "Why don't I try to be friends with these people?"

Maybe I don't try.

I had a great time over Christmas. I told my mom about my plans for adoption and she is supportive. She is actually kind of excited about it, I think. I told her about the Congo and she ended up reading some of my literature I'd brought with me about it. I told her "You know I have always loved black babies..." And then she admitted she always loved dark babies. We are so alike at times. haha.

She said she'd support my decision and that she thinks people in the family will warm up to it eventually.

This weekend I went house hunting. It was actually really nice. I'm not READY to buy a house, but I am looking into getting a house maybe in a year. It would be GREAT to have a house in a year. Seriously, GREAT. We'll see if it happens. Tired of living in a place which I don't own. Tired of living in a place which is just like someone else's house which I'm paying rent for. I'd like to have my own place.

I saw homes built by Ivory Homes. And a few other construction places. It was actually quite nice although I'm not sure if I will be getting a brand new home or something which is already built. Kind of leaning on the latter since I'd rather have a brand-new home when my brother builds it. It would be more of a project which I could work on. I'm excited to ultimately HAVE a house. Regardless of its brand new or used status.

The LDS church has come out strongly against gay marriage recently. Even saying in a letter published by the church that legalizing gay marriage will then require adoption agencies to give children to gay married couples. And the whole time I was thinking "Yes... and?"

Why would I be a worse parent than a straight man? or a straight couple? Am I so inherently bad that I couldn't possibly raise a child normally? Its kind of sad to me.

I'm just going to raise my children my own way. And to hell with what church members think. I'm not doing anything wrong. In fact, I feel I am being guided to do this. If people knew what I've had to sacrifice, what I've been through to reach who I am today, then I think they'd understand.