My future might change for the better if I get this job I'm trying to get... I'd be making a lot more money and I'd be much more stable in my career. I'd be able to take evenings off on occasion too---a major change from my 50-60 hour work week.
Right now, I just want to get rid of my debts and I'll do whatever I have to do to fix my credit and save for a house, a future, a baby, and all those things I'm working towards.
I know a baby is silly, but its all I think about. Everyday. Dozens of times.
I've begun writing down cute baby names on a post-it pad at work. Nothing noticeable. Just a little post-it where I write down cute names I like. Maybe somehow, in the back of my mind, I think about the cosmos somehow helping me if I focus on my goals of father-hood. Will my success rate grow if I think about this more often and make it a priority? I would like to think so.
Life is a daunting task of trials and tribulation. Will it ever get easier?
I don't even know if anyone reads this blog anymore. So maybe I'm just writing it to the Universe. Perhaps I'll get a response. Or perhaps no one will notice or care about me and my little blog. I'm just another one of those same-gender attracted Mormons who sit and blog too often about silly topics, I guess.
But to me, its not totally silly. These blogs contain my dreams. And if we cannot share our dreams and work towards them---they're just fantasy.
So, Universe, help me make my dreams a reality.