Happy Halloween!

I love halloween. I love costumes.

Of course I also loved daydreaming all day about taking my own child out Trick or Treating. So weird, I know.

I found out traditional surrogacy is illegal in Utah. And any gestational surrogacy needs to be approved by the courts---and if the surrogacy is for a gay couple, it probably wouldn't be approved.

WHY is Utah so insane?

So now I'm leaning heavily towards surrogacy in India. It will cost me about 28,000. Or I will try to find someone who is a friend who would do it but isn't interested in raising the child. But even then, it would be illegal in a sense. India would be legal.

Its so complicated.

Adoption in Utah

For those who haven't looked into the adoption process, you're probably lucky---here in Utah, adoptions by single men are next to impossible. Although they're "legally allowed", men are put onto the bottom of the adoption list. So usually single men wait years in Utah for any child.

In addition, single adults cannot be living in the same household as another adult. So even a roommate is not allowed. Effectively, making it illegal for capable parents, such as myself, to adopt.

And we wonder why there are still THOUSANDS of children in the system who age off without homes?

So basically, the only way for me to adopt is to know another person willing to give up their child to me specifically.

If anyone knows someone giving up a baby who wouldn't mind a single guy with lots of love raising him or her, let me know---give me a break, Utah!

To the Universe: Here's a Note

My future might change for the better if I get this job I'm trying to get... I'd be making a lot more money and I'd be much more stable in my career. I'd be able to take evenings off on occasion too---a major change from my 50-60 hour work week.

Right now, I just want to get rid of my debts and I'll do whatever I have to do to fix my credit and save for a house, a future, a baby, and all those things I'm working towards.

I know a baby is silly, but its all I think about. Everyday. Dozens of times.

I've begun writing down cute baby names on a post-it pad at work. Nothing noticeable. Just a little post-it where I write down cute names I like. Maybe somehow, in the back of my mind, I think about the cosmos somehow helping me if I focus on my goals of father-hood. Will my success rate grow if I think about this more often and make it a priority? I would like to think so.

Life is a daunting task of trials and tribulation. Will it ever get easier?

I don't even know if anyone reads this blog anymore. So maybe I'm just writing it to the Universe. Perhaps I'll get a response. Or perhaps no one will notice or care about me and my little blog. I'm just another one of those same-gender attracted Mormons who sit and blog too often about silly topics, I guess.

But to me, its not totally silly. These blogs contain my dreams. And if we cannot share our dreams and work towards them---they're just fantasy.

So, Universe, help me make my dreams a reality.

Babies on my mind

I know I am in a financial disaster right now... but I have babies on my mind. Bad. I want to have a family of my own. I don't know what is this rush in my mind---or where the desire is coming from exactly. I watch things like the Adoption Story on TLC and think "This should be me right now!" Its hard knowing at the earliest, I have a little while to go.

Its a good motivation to keep on my game with working---just knowing that each paycheck brings me steps closer to getting out of my financial mess ... and closer to getting a baby, a house, and all that fun stuff.

There's got to be a woman out there willing to be a surrogate for me. There's got to be a baby out there in the future for me. I just know it. I already have so much love for an unborn, not even a twinkle in my eye sort of kid...

I've got baby fever. Bad.