... why do I care about someone who doesn't return my feelings? Is it because I'm so desperate to be loved? Or is it because I have some sort of sick self-mutilating hatred for myself that I continue to put myself into those same situations where I will undoubtedly get hurt?
I have a job interview coming up for another part-time job but it could turn into part-time long-term.
... I wish I had a job so I could be getting further out of debt. I want a house and a child. I don't want anything crazy in life. I have given up on the ideas of fame and fortune which were my naive ideas from my youth. I have basically also given up on ever having a person who'd love me in a complete way as well.
And yet, I continue to desire that love even though I fight myself into thinking it is not possible.
... Time after time, I find that I'm struggling to tell what's burning inside of me.
Maybe I make myself available too much, hoping that people I care about will think of me and want to be around me.
... I just want to be happy.