Friday, July 12, 2013

Why I am the way that I am... Part 4

I'm overly sensitive at times, I suppose. I hate rejection. Even if its small ways.

Recently I saw someone on the street who I thought was a friend---a member of the Moho community who I befriended when he was new to the group. Only to discover that evidently he's not a friend, really. A simple hello was ignored. I've been taken off his facebook friends' list after not having done anything to hurt him. I hadn't even spoken to him online in a year. Why the removal unless its something personal against me?

I don't know why but I see more and more rejection from these types of people in my future. People who refuse to accept me the way that I am despite them being supposed leaders of this community. I'm not expecting a bunch of deep late-night chats but a simple hello would have sufficed. If he'd just said "Hello Brad!" it would have been fine. Our eyes made contact for crying out loud. I am tall. Not easily missed.

So ridiculous.

Why do I feel sometimes that life is just an extension of the schoolyard playground of being ignored? Had no friends in elementary school. Now I'm in my 30's and I'm treated basically the same way. Ignored and rejected by people.

Am I so irreverent and beyond hope that I'm not even worthy of friendship from N* leaders?

So thats why I am sensitive. I had a bad childhood. I don't know why I should be ignored now when I don't think I've done anything wrong.

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