I was reading a post on the North Star Young Adults list today. It was posted by a member of the list who will soon be leaving... I don't want to name names, because those messages are private. However, the idea behind it was that he never fully accepted his SSA so when things like marriage and becoming a father came up, he took on those responsibilities and has noticed a change in the attractions... somewhat... through his determination to live the gospel.
Sometimes I wonder about all that different "What if..." situations.
What if I had gotten help when I was a teenager and didn't deal with depression and suicidal thoughts? Would I be a different person now...? Maybe married with children?
I am happy with my life but sometimes I wonder if I'm really doing what I'm supposed to be doing. Will I regret my decision to not get married in 50 years?
I'm getting closer to going through the temple for my own endowments. My bishop said I could get it soon. But I'm moving wards so he doesn't know when the new bishop will approve it. Its my next step though. I know it.
2 comments:
he never fully accepted his SSA so when things like marriage and becoming a father came up, he took on those responsibilities and has noticed a change in the attractions.
That sounds like something I might have written after I was married. I had done all that was asked of me - baptized while in college, served a mission and married in the Temple (even though my family was not able to be there) - and I truly felt God had 'cured' me of my attractions to men.
A few years into my marriage (after having two children) the reality that I was not 'cured' hit me like a ton of bricks - launching me into a period of severe depression.
I'm not trying to disparage the person you were referring to. My only point is that you cannot look at brief moments in time and draw long term conclusions. It's quite possible his attractions have been diminished - but I would be hesitant to assume his determination to live the Gospel means his diminished attractions will last the rest of his life. Because, what will he do if, like me, he realizes his attractions are still there - and just as strong as ever - once the honeymoon period is over?
You can't base your life on woulda, coulda, shoulda's - you can only base it on the here and now and where you see yourself going.
Abelard is so very right in his comments. It is difficult for a young person to not believe that they can change anything with will and faith. Core issues such as sexual orientation are not frivolous obstacles to be overcome. Such issues must be met with honesty and understanding that there are certain things we cannot change and bear the wisdom to know the difference from those we can.
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