New Place... Same Life

I am living in a new place.

I feel really lonely today. I'm going to bed. Sleep usually makes things feel a little bit better. Don't you think?

As if anyone reads this...

I'm trying to find a new apartment. Thought I'd found one. Turns out I didn't make it before it got taken.

I'm so poor that I don't even have the money for a desposit anywhere. The place I'm living is okay but not as nice as some of these other places. I don't see any time in the foreseeable future I'll have anything but just enough money to cover my main living expenses while I continue to spiral downwards in debt... not being able to pay for school loans or my credit card...

I really hate my life. Is that sad to say? Honestly, I don't like my life. I really want to run away to my parents' house, say screw it all and just sleep for a month...

Why does my life have to be so hard? I'm going to the temple. I'm active in church. Why am I screwed financially so often?

What's Going On...

I'm kind of tired of being poor. And by kind of tired, I mean REALLY tired. The economy sucks and I wasn't doing amazing before that happened financially. So every month I am challenged to just pay my bills.

A few weeks ago I went and talked to the Bishop and I signed up for food from the Bishop's Storehouse. I ended up getting a lot of the basics there---butter, cheese, flour, etc. which really helped because I cannot afford to buy a lot of these basics. I didn't go crazy and get everything I'd need to eat there. Just go enough to supplement my food budget.

It was embarrassing. And humbling at the same time.

I wish life was easier for me. I wish I didn't have to fight so hard for money. I wish I had time to have a social life. And just to relax. But I'm stressed about work all the time. I've had three job interviews in the last month for part time work. None have panned out since they're offering me less than I make now.

If I'm having trouble paying bills now, getting extra work which pays me LESS isn't going to do me much good.

I need to pay my taxes soon. I'm not employed by a big company so I'm contracted out and so taxes are harder for me to pay. It makes me sad just thinking about them.

I just bought dog food since I literally had none left and I don't even have enough to pay my rent which is a check I've already given my landlord. Sucks, doesn't it?

Sometimes life is insane. But crazy I know I can do. I've handled it before.

I just wish I could find a job which was perfect for me. And would help me pay bills.