Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Tall and Tender like an Apollo...

What happened to the man from Tacaremba la Tumbe Del Fuego Santa Malipas Zatatecas la Junta del Sol y Cruz?

Well, he's right here... For those who don't know what this reference is, its a Sondheim Song about a woman who falls in love with a guy who is OBVIOUSLY not batting for her team. He is a great dancer, wears weird clothes, his friends call him Lillian and he owns a boutique... the woman still falls for him and doesn't understand why he doesn't return the affection.

Sometimes I feel like the guy in the song.

This past Sunday (before General Conference) a girl in my ward asked to sit next to me during Sacrament Meeting. Usually I sit alone---which is fine because I'm there for spiritual development and not purely social reasons---but it was a little weird. Does she like me a little? Is she just being nice? Social? Who knows.

It was a little strange for me because most of the time, women don't seem to notice me very much. And if they do, they don't make it evident.

Why am I so weird to not appreciate women? Am I a freak? Most guys would jump at the chance to have a nice girl sit next to them at church... For me, I felt awkward. But it was nice to not sit by myself for a change.

It is nice to get at least a little attention even if its from a woman. It goes to show that I'm not so entirely without visual charms.

In other news, a couple weeks ago a guy in my ward saw my outfit and asked why I was "dressed like that---wearing a suit and stuff..." which I thought was a little weird. Is it inappropriate to wear a suit to a Young Single Adult's ward? Sure, my suit was tailored well and I had a pocket square with a matching tie... but thats just style. :)

It was a little weird and felt like I was on display. Or that maybe my clothes were a little more extreme than most guys in my ward.

Well, if so, then aren't I even more like the man in the "The Boy from..." song? If so, why would a girl ask to sit next to me if I'm so blatantly obvious? Hmmm... I dunno.

I think I'm analyzing this too much.

Sometimes I wish I fit in at church a little more. And sometimes, I still wish I was married. Yesterday at the Matis fireside, I held a baby who belonged to a woman I met last month. His name is Seth and he's really cute. However, sometimes when I hold a baby I wish I had one of my own. I'd be a really good father. Much better than many others I know.

Its sad because there's a very real possibility it might never happen for me.

Le Sigh.


The Impossible K said...

Hmm, yes. I tend to over-analyze those sorts of moments a lot... I don't have the visual charms you have, but I've had similar experiences in the past. It usually ends with me darting out the chapel as soon as the prayer is done, preferably before the "cute guy" has a chance to speak. Then later, kicking myself for not grasping the opportunity- or wanting to. So... yeah. I think I can understand.
Still, I don't think we should be so hard on ourselves for not appreciating the opposite sex as much as we ought to... or at least, in THAT way... we're all different. Maybe it will take a bit more work to get there (ha, more like a LOT), but it could still happen... right?

Robert said...

I hear ya man. I really think that the sga guys in the church would make the best fathers. I mean, shoot, what better characteristics could a father have than those which are so common in moho's. All you have to do is go to a Matis meeting and you know immediately that these would be the best fathers. It really sucks that liklihood is that they won't have that oppertunity.

Dichotomy said...

sometimes when I hold a baby I wish I had one of my own. I'd be a really good father. Much better than many others I know.... Its sad because there's a very real possibility it might never happen for me.

Why not? Having a child is something that is (or at least can be) entirely up to you. I'm not talking about the traditional get-married-and-make-a-baby route. I'm talking about adoption.

I realize that with all of the emphasis that the Church is currently placing on the "traditional" nuclear family adoption by a single father is probably not something that the Church would endorse. In fact I believe that single-parent adoptions aren't even legally possible in many states (including possibly Utah?).

But if you reach a point in your life where you earnestly desire a family and believe that you are prepared to be a good father and can say with a fair amount of certainty that marriage is not in the cards, why not give a home to a kid who needs one and become the loving parent that you know you can be?

There would be some hurdles to overcome, but working through the challenges only tells others (and yourself) that you're willing to work to have a family--which indicates that you're also going to be willing to work at making your family the best it can be.

My mom died when I was 13. I had five other brothers and sisters ranging from 3 to 23 years old. It was nearly six years before my dad remarried, but for those six years he was a phenomenal single father, as I'm sure you could be.