I've seen the arguments people face single parents looking to start a family through adoption: we should "Save our Own" first.
Meaning, we should adopt from within the USA before going elsewhere.
I can see the logic there. Its important to adopt children from within the Foster Care system within our own country. Its also important to provide homes for children in developing nations who otherwise wouldn't have a home. Which is better? Its hard to say. I think each case is genuinely personal.
If I decide to adopt from the Congo and bring in a child who would likely die without my help, is this a stronger pull than adopting a child from the foster care system in the states who otherwise might not be adopted?
I kind of think so. There are more people adopting children in the USA than in other developing countries. If I was in a position to adopt a child in the USA, I would do it! Sadly, thats not a real possibility for here in Utah since I'm still navigating and learning about the process here. Its sad and unfortunate but some of the rules in Utah are a bit biased and unfair. Favoring typical families to an atypical one.
However, I've had a few people say to me that adopting from outside the USA is selfish and I should be more patriotic and adopt from within. And then I remind them that the purpose of doing this is also to provide a home for a child who wouldn't have one... regardless of where the child is coming from, that child is going to get a home with me if I'm ever given an opportunity.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Monday, November 21, 2011
Amazing...
When I talked to a friend about adopting from Africa, the response was "But it would be a black baby..." as if this was a definitive "Oh wow!" moment...
Of course I know it would be a black baby.
Does it make a difference?
I will never understand people's inability to accept and love someone. Especially a child. Sure, I might be white, but that doesn't mean a dark skinned baby would never accept me as his father. In fact, he probably wouldn't even notice his skin color difference for a while. Children are accepting that way.
I just don't understand it. Where does this feeling of someone being inferior or unequal come from? Thank you Puritan fathers!
I will never understand people's inability to accept and love someone. Especially a child. Sure, I might be white, but that doesn't mean a dark skinned baby would never accept me as his father. In fact, he probably wouldn't even notice his skin color difference for a while. Children are accepting that way.
I just don't understand it. Where does this feeling of someone being inferior or unequal come from? Thank you Puritan fathers!
Sunday, November 20, 2011
I've emailed someone...
... Emailed an adoptions specialist here in Utah about the feasibility of being single and adopting here. Technically, from what I've read in the laws, it appears POSSIBLE although I would have to be living in a home without any other unmarried individuals. Once the adoption was finalized completely, then I could have roommates again if necessary.
I want to know what the logistics would be.
I've actually kind of fallen in love with the idea of adopting from the Congo. The country has millions upon millions of orphans. Some babies are found abandoned in garbage dumps, others turned over to orphanages by living parents who cannot afford them, and others are left orphaned by wars and battles killing entire villages. The place seems very dangerous.
And so I've kind of decided to make it a mission to change one child's life by adopting from there if I can. It costs about 20,000 to adopt a child from the Congo. There is a tax credit which is allowed which would help cover potentially a little over half of that amount---But I think the knowledge that I'd probably be saving a child's life would make it well worth the expense.
Some of the babies I was reading about have had to sleep in cardboard boxes.
If I am ever able to adopt a baby from there, I will do so. And I will try to better the lives of other orphans there.
In order to adopt, one would need to go to the Congo to bring the baby or child home. What if there was a way to bring supplies into the orphanage at the same time? Even a suitcase full of vitamins would probably end up saving lives. Or baby blankets and clothes. I'd probably bring a full suitcase and leave with an empty one. Along with a baby of my own. Formula is one of the hardest things for them to get a hold of, from what I hear.
I wonder if there's something I could do. I really don't know...
Celebrities haven't begun making it popular to adopt from the Congo. So there's not been a big kick in the popularity of the country.
I spoke with an agency in Colorado who would help me adopt from the Congo if I had an approved homestudy. So if I get a homestudy done in Utah, by overcoming the challenges of being a single male here, then I can adopt from there.
Oddly enough, the Congo has a rule about adoptions: Although they don't have post-placement interviews, they keep track of the adoptees for two years in order for the orphanages and agencies to show the government the need to make adoptions of babies and children more prominent. With about 5 million orphans, it is a real need.
So now besides the surrogacy, I have another plan in mind.
I want to know what the logistics would be.
I've actually kind of fallen in love with the idea of adopting from the Congo. The country has millions upon millions of orphans. Some babies are found abandoned in garbage dumps, others turned over to orphanages by living parents who cannot afford them, and others are left orphaned by wars and battles killing entire villages. The place seems very dangerous.
And so I've kind of decided to make it a mission to change one child's life by adopting from there if I can. It costs about 20,000 to adopt a child from the Congo. There is a tax credit which is allowed which would help cover potentially a little over half of that amount---But I think the knowledge that I'd probably be saving a child's life would make it well worth the expense.
Some of the babies I was reading about have had to sleep in cardboard boxes.
If I am ever able to adopt a baby from there, I will do so. And I will try to better the lives of other orphans there.
In order to adopt, one would need to go to the Congo to bring the baby or child home. What if there was a way to bring supplies into the orphanage at the same time? Even a suitcase full of vitamins would probably end up saving lives. Or baby blankets and clothes. I'd probably bring a full suitcase and leave with an empty one. Along with a baby of my own. Formula is one of the hardest things for them to get a hold of, from what I hear.
I wonder if there's something I could do. I really don't know...
Celebrities haven't begun making it popular to adopt from the Congo. So there's not been a big kick in the popularity of the country.
I spoke with an agency in Colorado who would help me adopt from the Congo if I had an approved homestudy. So if I get a homestudy done in Utah, by overcoming the challenges of being a single male here, then I can adopt from there.
Oddly enough, the Congo has a rule about adoptions: Although they don't have post-placement interviews, they keep track of the adoptees for two years in order for the orphanages and agencies to show the government the need to make adoptions of babies and children more prominent. With about 5 million orphans, it is a real need.
So now besides the surrogacy, I have another plan in mind.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Adoption in Utah
I've brought this up recently... and its something which I'm still struggling with.
Why are people so opposed to single-parent adoption? Or to homosexuals adopting?
In my case, I'm an unmarried same-gender attracted guy... But I don't even think of myself as SGA. I think of myself as simply "Post-it Boy"---although I use my own name and not my online identity---
I love children. I had a rough childhood at times and I'd like to fix that for another child... giving a wonderful childhood and growing-up experience. Allowing a child to live a life which I never had. I'm working on building a successful career, saving for a house, and I have a dog. What more could a kid want?
So why in the legal perspective am I unfit to be a father in the state of Utah?
With all my good qualifications leading me to potentially be a wonderful parent and father, why is one---my sexuality---which is not even a large part of my life... where I'm not sexually active... the ONLY thing which is then seen by potential child service workers who would be evaluating my abilities to parent?
"So Post it Boy, you are active in your church... have a stable career... have a loving and supportive family... BUT you like how Orlando Bloom looks in a wet t-shirt so therefore, sorry!"
I mean, come on! What person wouldn't like Orlando Bloom? :)
Anyway, I just don't understand it. Why would ONE quality of mine which is minor and rather insignificant to raising a child be the determining factor? Especially when there are people out there who abuse and don't love their children. Or people who get drunk---their children aren't necessarily taken away even though, to me, drinking is worse than sexuality since even if I WAS sexually active, its not like that would affect my raising a child. Being drunk and hitting a kid? It WOULD affect the raising of a child.
It just boggles my mind. Laws need to change!
Why are people so opposed to single-parent adoption? Or to homosexuals adopting?
In my case, I'm an unmarried same-gender attracted guy... But I don't even think of myself as SGA. I think of myself as simply "Post-it Boy"---although I use my own name and not my online identity---
I love children. I had a rough childhood at times and I'd like to fix that for another child... giving a wonderful childhood and growing-up experience. Allowing a child to live a life which I never had. I'm working on building a successful career, saving for a house, and I have a dog. What more could a kid want?
So why in the legal perspective am I unfit to be a father in the state of Utah?
With all my good qualifications leading me to potentially be a wonderful parent and father, why is one---my sexuality---which is not even a large part of my life... where I'm not sexually active... the ONLY thing which is then seen by potential child service workers who would be evaluating my abilities to parent?
"So Post it Boy, you are active in your church... have a stable career... have a loving and supportive family... BUT you like how Orlando Bloom looks in a wet t-shirt so therefore, sorry!"
I mean, come on! What person wouldn't like Orlando Bloom? :)
Anyway, I just don't understand it. Why would ONE quality of mine which is minor and rather insignificant to raising a child be the determining factor? Especially when there are people out there who abuse and don't love their children. Or people who get drunk---their children aren't necessarily taken away even though, to me, drinking is worse than sexuality since even if I WAS sexually active, its not like that would affect my raising a child. Being drunk and hitting a kid? It WOULD affect the raising of a child.
It just boggles my mind. Laws need to change!
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Sometimes...
... Sometimes I wish that I was skinnier, until I realize that I am pretty normal and beautiful just like I am. In my own way. :)
... Sometimes I wish I was heterosexual, in a sense, but that I was born that way... because I don't like the idea of my attractions changing. It would be uncomfortable. But then I realize that I would lose out on all the amazing things that my attractions have taught me.
... Sometimes I wish I was more popular and had more people writing to me, calling me, texting me, etc. But then I realize that I have to rely on myself more. And I realized that is a good thing. Post-it Boy can always count on being present with himself.
... Sometimes I wish that adoption in Utah was easier. But then I realize that with all my challenges to get a child, that baby will be more loved than any child has ever had. No one will ever be able to take away my baby since I will be its biological father. Take that Utah!
... Sometimes I wish I didn't have to work so hard. But then I realize that working hard will help me achieve my goals. A means to an end.
... Sometimes I wish that more children around the world had homes. Even a home with one father is better than none.
... But I'm always glad I am me. With all my flaws. :)
Do you have wishes? Do you ever think that challenges sometimes teach us a lot more than we realize?
... Sometimes I wish I was heterosexual, in a sense, but that I was born that way... because I don't like the idea of my attractions changing. It would be uncomfortable. But then I realize that I would lose out on all the amazing things that my attractions have taught me.
... Sometimes I wish I was more popular and had more people writing to me, calling me, texting me, etc. But then I realize that I have to rely on myself more. And I realized that is a good thing. Post-it Boy can always count on being present with himself.
... Sometimes I wish that adoption in Utah was easier. But then I realize that with all my challenges to get a child, that baby will be more loved than any child has ever had. No one will ever be able to take away my baby since I will be its biological father. Take that Utah!
... Sometimes I wish I didn't have to work so hard. But then I realize that working hard will help me achieve my goals. A means to an end.
... Sometimes I wish that more children around the world had homes. Even a home with one father is better than none.
... But I'm always glad I am me. With all my flaws. :)
Do you have wishes? Do you ever think that challenges sometimes teach us a lot more than we realize?
Monday, November 14, 2011
Acceptance
Those who are attracted to members of the less fair sex---namely mohos, homosexuals, etc.---have issues of finding acceptance from our culture, ourselves, community and even from our Heavenly side of the family. Why is this?
As a child, I never felt like I fit in exactly. I was always different. Regardless of the reasons behind this, it was how I felt. I never felt like I fit in completely. I was always an outcast: I loved to read during lunch while the kids in my class liked to play sports and do things of a more social nature. I don't regret reading as much as I did, since I still love to read. I became smarter because of it. And it developed my love of writing.
However, it was a strange passion to be involved with as a child. I wasn't accepted for it--in fact, I was ridiculed.
As a teenager, I never felt popular and accepted. Although some said I was well-liked by my peers. I just wasn't popular in my mind. I had friends who were jocks, drama club nerds, artists, goths, freaks, Latinos (in my school, they were a seperate distinction since I grew up in a very multi-cultural area!) and even the Born-Again-Christians and nerds were counted amongst my friends.
In college, I gradually became less shy and more sociable and when I was at my first college had lots of friends. When I transferred, I had fewer but still managed to have fun sometimes.
I went through therapy and learned to---hate to say the cliche---to love myself. I accepted my attractions for the first time in my life and realized I wasn't a scourge of the earth.
Sadly, no one had ever told me my worth as a child. No one ever told me of my inner goodness or virtue. Or endless possibilities.
I sometimes am still plagued by a resentment about my attractions: Without them, I'd be a different person. Maybe not better, maybe not worse. But different. I'd be married with children by now.
And, it sometimes is hard to feel loved by our Heavenly family as we don't feel like we belong even to our earthly one.
When we accept ourselves, with all our faults and flaws, positives and rewarding, without condition or shame... THAT is when we'll be who we've always wanted to be.
As a child, I never felt like I fit in exactly. I was always different. Regardless of the reasons behind this, it was how I felt. I never felt like I fit in completely. I was always an outcast: I loved to read during lunch while the kids in my class liked to play sports and do things of a more social nature. I don't regret reading as much as I did, since I still love to read. I became smarter because of it. And it developed my love of writing.
However, it was a strange passion to be involved with as a child. I wasn't accepted for it--in fact, I was ridiculed.
As a teenager, I never felt popular and accepted. Although some said I was well-liked by my peers. I just wasn't popular in my mind. I had friends who were jocks, drama club nerds, artists, goths, freaks, Latinos (in my school, they were a seperate distinction since I grew up in a very multi-cultural area!) and even the Born-Again-Christians and nerds were counted amongst my friends.
In college, I gradually became less shy and more sociable and when I was at my first college had lots of friends. When I transferred, I had fewer but still managed to have fun sometimes.
I went through therapy and learned to---hate to say the cliche---to love myself. I accepted my attractions for the first time in my life and realized I wasn't a scourge of the earth.
Sadly, no one had ever told me my worth as a child. No one ever told me of my inner goodness or virtue. Or endless possibilities.
I sometimes am still plagued by a resentment about my attractions: Without them, I'd be a different person. Maybe not better, maybe not worse. But different. I'd be married with children by now.
And, it sometimes is hard to feel loved by our Heavenly family as we don't feel like we belong even to our earthly one.
When we accept ourselves, with all our faults and flaws, positives and rewarding, without condition or shame... THAT is when we'll be who we've always wanted to be.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Is it really right for me?
I have been going back and forth with my activity in NorthStar and Evergreen type activities and involvement... I don't know if its right for me. Or if I would be better off just fading away from all of that. I took a break for a long time and then got recently re-involved and now I'm wondering if its necessary or what...
I don't feel like I ever really fit in no matter where I am. For those friends who know about my future family plans, they think of me as a nice Mormon guy who is wanting to start a family... but adamantly opposed to marriage. (Interesting combination! I'm a unique blend of ironies...)
And some of my friends who do know about my plans have already freaked out on me to the point I am fearful of discussing them anymore openly. Hence why I have resigned myself to mostly discussing it with non-LDS friends (who are all supportive, btw!) and my blog audience.
So really in the NS and EG community, I don't feel like I fit in either since most of the people in those communities will tell me that my future plans aren't right. Or against the church. Or something along those lines. And I'd rather find people who would accept my decision and be willing to talk about it with me---maybe find a place I belong better.
However, as I said, I never feel like I belong. :(
I don't feel like I ever really fit in no matter where I am. For those friends who know about my future family plans, they think of me as a nice Mormon guy who is wanting to start a family... but adamantly opposed to marriage. (Interesting combination! I'm a unique blend of ironies...)
And some of my friends who do know about my plans have already freaked out on me to the point I am fearful of discussing them anymore openly. Hence why I have resigned myself to mostly discussing it with non-LDS friends (who are all supportive, btw!) and my blog audience.
So really in the NS and EG community, I don't feel like I fit in either since most of the people in those communities will tell me that my future plans aren't right. Or against the church. Or something along those lines. And I'd rather find people who would accept my decision and be willing to talk about it with me---maybe find a place I belong better.
However, as I said, I never feel like I belong. :(
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