Adoption in Utah

For those who haven't looked into the adoption process, you're probably lucky---here in Utah, adoptions by single men are next to impossible. Although they're "legally allowed", men are put onto the bottom of the adoption list. So usually single men wait years in Utah for any child.

In addition, single adults cannot be living in the same household as another adult. So even a roommate is not allowed. Effectively, making it illegal for capable parents, such as myself, to adopt.

And we wonder why there are still THOUSANDS of children in the system who age off without homes?

So basically, the only way for me to adopt is to know another person willing to give up their child to me specifically.

If anyone knows someone giving up a baby who wouldn't mind a single guy with lots of love raising him or her, let me know---give me a break, Utah!

To the Universe: Here's a Note

My future might change for the better if I get this job I'm trying to get... I'd be making a lot more money and I'd be much more stable in my career. I'd be able to take evenings off on occasion too---a major change from my 50-60 hour work week.

Right now, I just want to get rid of my debts and I'll do whatever I have to do to fix my credit and save for a house, a future, a baby, and all those things I'm working towards.

I know a baby is silly, but its all I think about. Everyday. Dozens of times.

I've begun writing down cute baby names on a post-it pad at work. Nothing noticeable. Just a little post-it where I write down cute names I like. Maybe somehow, in the back of my mind, I think about the cosmos somehow helping me if I focus on my goals of father-hood. Will my success rate grow if I think about this more often and make it a priority? I would like to think so.

Life is a daunting task of trials and tribulation. Will it ever get easier?

I don't even know if anyone reads this blog anymore. So maybe I'm just writing it to the Universe. Perhaps I'll get a response. Or perhaps no one will notice or care about me and my little blog. I'm just another one of those same-gender attracted Mormons who sit and blog too often about silly topics, I guess.

But to me, its not totally silly. These blogs contain my dreams. And if we cannot share our dreams and work towards them---they're just fantasy.

So, Universe, help me make my dreams a reality.

Babies on my mind

I know I am in a financial disaster right now... but I have babies on my mind. Bad. I want to have a family of my own. I don't know what is this rush in my mind---or where the desire is coming from exactly. I watch things like the Adoption Story on TLC and think "This should be me right now!" Its hard knowing at the earliest, I have a little while to go.

Its a good motivation to keep on my game with working---just knowing that each paycheck brings me steps closer to getting out of my financial mess ... and closer to getting a baby, a house, and all that fun stuff.

There's got to be a woman out there willing to be a surrogate for me. There's got to be a baby out there in the future for me. I just know it. I already have so much love for an unborn, not even a twinkle in my eye sort of kid...

I've got baby fever. Bad.

Work

I might be getting a better job sooner than I had thought. Which means I might be able to financially get on track. Will I ever be rich? I doubt it. But at least I can think about my future more.

I think about babies all the time. I don't know why I am this way. Is it a sign that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing? I feel good when I pray about it... so maybe there is something which will happen which will be positive from my having a family of my own.

Big Decision... in the making

I've made a big decision in my life which is going to be both exciting and controversial at the same time... I'm going to become a father.

Wait, are you married Post-it Boy? Nope. Are you GOING to get married? Nope.

Haha. Now I've confused everyone.

I've thought about it a lot the last year and I've decided I'm going to have a surrogate and\or adopt a baby. I've been reading about the pros and cons of outsourcing a surrogacy to India, finding my own surrogate in the states, hiring a friend, etc. (All are legal options.) However, I'm leaning towards India.

Utah adoptions don't allow for single fathers, technically, which I find to be rather bigoted. Men aren't seen as good of care-givers. If I adopted out of state, thats a possibility but then it would cause a problem with the finalization in Utah. Sigh.

Surrogacy is my top option since then the child would contain my DNA. I've always wanted a child of my own who I could teach things to---

I'm not getting married so I would raise the child with the help of friends and family, or I would do it alone and hire a part-time caregiver\nanny while I work during the day. Something like that. I am going to raise my child in the gospel to respect gospel standards and as a true Latter-day Saint. As I am single, I will ask someone in my family to have the baby sealed to him or her---right now, I am thinking I'd probably ask my sister who is married with three children of her own. My eldest sister is a possibility except she's not very active in the church. She has no children of her own though. So maybe she would be okay with the idea---

My family doesn't know. They'll freak out on me at first but I think they'll be okay as time progresses. I haven't decided how or when to tell them either.

This is still a ways off---I'd like to do this in 2 years. By then, I'm hoping to get out of debt and be able to save at least enough for the first part of the surrogacy round. I can pay it off in stages during the pregnancy of the surrogate.

I haven't always been looking forward to my future as an active LDS person... since I find my singles ward to be very lonely. And as I don't date, I don't fit in very well... since half the ward is marriage and dating crazy. I have no friends in my ward---like always---so if I had a child, I'd move to a family ward. Where I'd probably be ostracized a bit for being a single father but I don't plan on explaining my situation to anyone. Let them think I'm divorced or widowed. No one talks to me at church anyway so let the gossip fly!

Anyway... if any of my readers want to talk about this post privately that's fine. I don't want any negativity or people telling me I'm going to hell for having a child alone. I've already had one of my closest friends be kind of negative about it and I don't want to hear it. I cannot be excommunicated for having a surrogate or adopting as a single man. And I've also prayed about it and feel good about my decision.

No child will be more loved than mine. End of discussion.

Sucks

Life sucks right now. I'm completely disappointed in where I am financially, church-wise, etc.

I haven't been super active lately. When I go to church, no one talks to me. Literally, I have been there all day without so much as a Hello. I sit alone. I don't see much point in going.

I didn't get the job I wanted with the church. Another strike against me being active.

I am in serious debts without any means to get out of it. I'm behind on all my work and therefore screwed. S-C-R-E-W-E-D.

I actually kind of want to die, disappear, or have a new life.

If my financial situation doesn't improve, I might just move back home and find another job. I'm tired of being poor.

New Place... Same Life

I am living in a new place.

I feel really lonely today. I'm going to bed. Sleep usually makes things feel a little bit better. Don't you think?