Your Haircolor is a Sin!

Imagine being told everyday that someone of your hair color is likely going to be despised by society. From the time your haircolor is first noticeable, you’re an outcast.

Trying to do what is best, your parents might offer some advice once the signs start showing of your haircolor---You might be able to cover it up with a hat, but its still there underneath and someone might see. You could dye your hair, but its a façade which would have to be maintained all the time. Every couple of weeks you’d need to do touch-ups to cover up your haircolor. You wouldn't really be changing it permanently. You could wear a wig, but its also temporary. If it fell off, you’d reveal your identity and be an outcast.

Then imagine being a confused kid who has a haircolor which makes him or her feel unwelcome. Imagine being teased mercilessly in school for having that haircolor. Being spit on, kicked, beaten up, bullied. Have you ever been bullied for something which you have no control over? Sure. But imagine being worried that your own family would ALSO bully you.

Go to church and imagine being told "Someday, your haircolor will maybe change!" Since young children sometimes are born with a haircolor which they won't have as adults. Haircolor could just be temporary! “It’s just a phase you’ll grow out of.”

Imagine having one haircolor as a child which is acceptable… but then imagine growing older and your hair changes colors to something which isn’t acceptable. Who are your real friends? Will you be abandoned by your family? Kicked out of church? Will you try to cover it up again? You’ve always been that haircolor genetically, but its just revealing itself now!

Would your family reject you if they knew about your haircolor? Will your mom find empty boxes of hair dye in the garbage can while cleaning your room after you’ve secretly experimented with changing your appearance so you can fit it?

Maybe you would seek help on the internet since your pastor, teachers and friends wouldn’t understand you. Maybe look online to try to find permanent changes to your haircolor. Experimental laser treatments, shaving one’s head, hair extensions, prayer that your haircolor would change and you’d be normal, etc. ANYTHING to cover up your shameful haircolor.

As a teenager, you might feel excluded not just because people are unkind… but because you don’t know who really loves you.

Maybe you’re in college one day after successfully hiding your true hair color for many years. Then you turn on the TV and find out that people with your hair color have had hate-crimes done against them. People you might know are hospitalized, killed, or attacked outside a nightclub. You wouldn’t feel safe.

You wouldn’t know who loves you for your true self because you’ve had to cover up your haircolor your whole life.

You’d feel shame over yourself. Might even eventually think to kill yourself? Or maybe seek out the company of others whose hair is like yours? Who are open about their haircolor and fight against people who say “That shade is wrong!” “That shade will send you to hell!” or “That haircolor is against the bible!”

Wouldn’t that be awful to have to hide yourself? Cover up your identity? Worry about being the target of a hate-crime.

You’ve probably never had to experience any of those kinds of those in life, unless you’re a homosexual.

Internalized Hate: SSA vs. Gay

In the past, I've been a supporter of the argument of the SSA\SGA vs. gay logic. I understand that some choose to label themselves one way. I understand that labels are designed in such a way that one can change how one is perceived (including by ourselves.)

I also understand Ty Mansfield has spoken out heavily about this topic. He believes that labeling oneself as gay will lead to leaving the church, self-acceptance on "bad" levels, etc.

Whether or not this is true is another blog topic.

What I have noticed is an internalized homophobia which has been festering within the Moho community for years---one which is displayed when one switches from one label to another. You see, many guys say "I have SSA" in an attempt to be known as a safe-stalwart person who is not going to lead anyone astray. When that person changes to "I am gay" he is often times ostracized. Has he changed his personality? I doubt it. Has he committed a felony? Murdered a family of kittens? Kicked a homeless man? Stolen candy from a baby? No. He's merely changed his perspective over time. He's changed the label.

Now, that change of the label MAY or MAY NOT have anything to do with a changing of beliefs, morals, or values. However, it is PERCEIVED that this person's values have changed. Therefore, it is okay to paint a Scarlet Letter on him, metaphorically stone him in the town square, and then ignore him\unfriend him\block him.

I find this deplorable, if for no other reason than to know that Scarlet is not the color this season and no homosexual should be using anything but the highest of fashion trends...

Kidding about that last sentence.

But I do find it deplorable.

Essentially, it is the same definition with only minor differences in what it may, or more likely, MAY NOT be the same individual.

Just because someone has come to a different level of self-acceptance doesn't mean that the person is wicked, evil, should be shunned, ignored or hated.

To me, this is internal homophobia.

We have enough homophobia in the world without finding excuses for more to be brought into our lives by hating ourselves and those we perceive could be enemies or threats.

The only threats out there in the world are hate-filled people.

Don't be one of them.

Confession time... boy style

I have a schoolgirl crush on a guy on facebook. Its kind of silly since I've never met him but I think he's completely adorable. Biracial, super cute, loves the arts...

Tonight he IMed me and of course I swooned. He's not someone I know personally but merely someone I know via Facebook.

We chatted a few minutes.

And of course it was fun to daydream and imagine.

But then reality hits... he's way too popular, masculine, athletic, talented and good looking to go after the out of shape nerdy guy. I should stick to being the bridesmaid and never the bride.

Sometimes I hate crushes and things like that because it makes me daydream about the what-ifs until I hit the reality of "Aint happenin'!"

I'm not the body type that an athletic gym body kind of model person would take one glance at.

Oh well.

At least he acknowledged me. That was nice. :)

Value of Life

"The idea that some lives matter less is the root of all that is wrong with the world"

The value of life and the lives of others plays an effect on how we treat others. The idea that someone's life is worth more or less because they're gay, straight... white, black or brown... Mormon or Non-Mormon is an idea that haunts my thoughts. We allow ourselves to be unkind to certain groups of people believing that they're, in fact, worth less than others.

How did the slave owners allow themselves to treat their slaves in that way? Because they believe that slaves' lives were worth less than the slave owners' lives. From being beaten into submission, those slaves gradually believed that their lives were also worth less.

Religious views were brought up; quoting the bible to allow for slavery to happen and flourish. Societal propaganda was used to teach that slaves were inferior. Some taught that mulattoes were infertile like mules but were better workers so it was okay to have sex with a slave and have that slave give children. Why? Because the children were part white and thus superior.

But they would compare them to animals.

How did the Nazis go about treating groups as inferior? Propaganda. Teaching children the "truth" about them. Treating Jews and other inferior groups (homosexuals or the disabled as groups) who didn't deserve life. One was proud to not be one of those groups because it meant your life was protected and worth more.

How do we allow ourselves to be unkind to someone based on their sexuality? We often times use religion as a basis.

"God doesn't approve!"
"It is a sin!"
"With God, all things are possible!"
"It was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!"

Or we use biological methods...

"Gays cannot have children biologically!"
"Marriage is between a man and a woman. That's how it has always been. That's how things fit together!"
"If two of the same sex were supposed to be together, they'd be able to have children!"

Or we use societal fears...

"Homosexuality will be taught in school that it is normal!"
"Homosexuality will have to be taught in sex-education classes!"
"Would you want your child converted to that lifestyle?"

All of these methods are used to hurt, disparage and hate others.


Some will say "But its different with blacks and Jews... hating them isn't right because it is something they just ARE!"

Sexuality, as far as I can tell, is an inborn trait. I don't believe that it is a choice. I think there might be societal issues as well. But I was raised in a very sheltered atmosphere and didn't even know what gay people were, but I remember my attractions from an early age.

The biggest problem with believing that some are superior to others is that the "inferior" believe it about themselves. One thing I hate hearing is "WHY should there be a gay pride? Why not a straight pride?!?!"

Well, when you've been told your whole life that something you cannot control decides your worth... when you're told that you're nothing... that you're worthless... THEN you can have a straight-pride festival as a means of balancing the hate from society.

--Post-it Boy

Another avenue...

... After weeks of looking, wondering, hoping and praying... I have found another country which should work.

However, I am now thinking that I need to double my efforts at saving for the house and child to avoid the problems arising where I am denied another adoption opportunity.

I don't want to be alone. I want to be a father.

Feeling dead on the day of the Dead

I thought I had other options for an adoption in Africa... but both countries have complications.

Anyone want to marry me and adopt together as a married couple---but I'd raise the kid completely? Once the adoption is completed we'll divorce and you'll relinquish your rights. In the meantime, I have good health insurance and we'll save money on our taxes.

Sadly, the above seems like my best option. I'm turning into a criminal.

I feel dead on the inside. Truly. I'm losing hope.

My Dreams ... have to change

The Democratic Republic of Congo has issued a statement which says that single individuals cannot adopt from their country anymore. Married couples are having suspensions temporarily as they figure out new adoption laws.

I've been working for 55 hours a week on and off for years to stay on top of things financially. I paid off 25,000 in debts including all my student loans over the past year and a half. I have been working with a credit fixing agency to fix my credit to help me buy a house to prepare for the kid. I have read countless books, websites, blogs, articles, etc.

I think about my adoption everyday. Its what keeps me motivated, to keep trying, to keep working towards that goal. Even home ownership is just a part of the plan to get the child.

I had my heart set on that country.

And now my heart has been stomped on.

Is it possible to have a broken heart even in cases where romantic love isn't involved?

I don't really have a backup plan. Uganda and Nigeria were two options but they're very strict and hard to work with. Haiti allows single men but I need to be 35 years old. Very few places allow for single men to adopt. It is truly unfortunate because I'd be a better father than most men and a better mother-figure than most women.

Truly, I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest.

So now the question is... should I just get married for tax and adoption purposes?